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December 19, 2012 by Karin 8 Comments

When our opinions don’t matter, but our voices do

It’s been a while.

I intended to stop for a moment and rest.  Then, life happened.  Life happened all around me just as it usually does, but this time so many things so close to the heart.

I chased promises for 31 days.  I found them.

The testing.  Faith, belief, trust.  Trust.  Over and over He asked me…

do you trust me?

I wish I could say that I did.  Every moment.

I wish I could say I didn’t question.  Or wonder.  Or doubt.

I wish I could say that I stayed buried in His life-giving words.  Every.  Day.

One thing I did do.  I kept talking to Him.  Talking and talking and talking.

The one area I missed.

The listening.

I didn’t listen quite a much as I should have.

I wandered, foolishly, away from His own words.  He graciously followed me and provided me with signs, right where I was.  Through friends, and strangers, He showed me again that He is in all the details.

The day I was wheeled into an operating room for a stubborn kidney stone, my dear friend called to share the diagnosis of her dear daddy.  Cancer.  It had been hiding everywhere.  No one knew.  Until that day.  Two weeks later he passed.  Two weeks from diagnosis to the end… the new beginning.  He believed, you see.  He was not afraid.

My friend, her children, her mom… they remain here.  Seeking the joy in this Christmas.  Though the tears blur their earthly eyes ~ hands reach out, unseeing.  Reach out in the faith that cannot been seen, grasping onto a God who holds them firmly in His hand.

The day I was wheeled into this surgery, another dear girlfriend was wheeled into her own surgery.  Again and again she allowed doctors to cut into her eye, attempting to restore sight.  Attempting to save her sight.  The surgeries at first seemed successful, but time and again they failed.  Then, with a final attempt, the cut appears to have healed the wound. She waits.  Grateful for what she can see… timidly reaching for what she does not.  Is He really there?  Is He really here?

A car accident.  Yet another friend and her precious little ones.  She told me that she has never felt His presence like she did the moment the cars collided.  In the blur of events, prying her little girls from the crushed steel cage, collapsing from pain of her own, being placed on a board into an ambulance ~ His presence was so great… she thought she would look up and see Him.  A glimpse of the unseen.  The blind faith… just knowing He is here.

All this and so much more, in a matter of weeks, began the day I stopped counting His promises.  I intended to write so many times, but words felt inadequate in a time of searching… a time of searching for understanding.

Then, and I hardly feel equipped or that I have the right to comment on the precious souls lost to this world just days ago, unspeakable tragedy.  Only my mama heart can speak to what happened that day.  I just don’t understand.  There are absolutely no words.  So many opinions swirl around, but our opinions are rather empty.  Our hearts heavy.  I just don’t understand.  I can only pray… and even here, in this place of wordless pleading to God, I have nothing.  No words.  Then His words…

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  

Romans 8:26

The spirit…

He knows there are no words.  He requires no words. 

I read the most beautiful words from dear Ann… words of this broken place.  The story of a snake… it slithered its way long and forcefully into a warm kitchen of a missionary and his wife.  Answering a distressed call, a local man wielding a machete swiftly decapitated the serpent.  The profound insight from the missionary during this unusual occurrence has left me with one more scale peeled from my spiritual eyes.  The snake did not know he was dead.  Thrashing and destroying, his tail flailed through the house.  Then, his end.

We know his end… this end of evil.  We know he is finished.  This pure evil that continues to thrash through our world.  The final outcome, he has missed in all his destructive desire.  He wants us to miss it, too.  It is finished.  In the end… love wins.

Love wins.

Our opinions… so many of them like a swirling kaleidoscope.  Do they really matter?  Does it really matter what we think?  I stopped writing for a while.  Wondering… does it really matter what I say?  What my opinion is?  Not really.  Opinions are based on feelings, half-truths, partial knowledge, passionate desire for justice.  Opinions, in all their adamant fist pounding, desperately seek truth… understanding.  We want to understand.  

What does matter, what matters more than anything else is…

what He says.

His truth.

The truth about writing… it’s not an answer-giver.  It’s an answer-seeker.

A desperate quest for understanding.  To understand the mystery in the suffering.

My opinions do not really matter.  My voice in all this noise only matters for one reason.  It is just one more voice trying to muffle, to quiet, to drown out the doubting, the hating, the darkness that begs to swallow us whole.  Just one more voice desperate to seek light, shed light, see light… through all this… at the end of all this.

This voice seeking to thin it’s shell of skin… to allow one more flicker of His light to shine through.  Here, with all the others whose flames flicker faith, hope, peace, joy… love.

And, so, I write.

 

Proverbs 18:2

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

 

 

Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, God's Promises, Hope, Love, Trust Tagged With: trust, when our words matter, when we want to understand

October 23, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

You Are Not Alone (#23)

PROMISE #23 ~ WE ARE NOT ALONE

When you are feeling alone…

Haven’t you felt like, no matter how hard you try, no matter how fervently you seek truth, no matter how heartfelt your desire for peace… you are alone.

Have you wondered where your back up is?

Have you perhaps even wondered… where God is?

I have.  I’m not proud of that.  But, it’s the truth.

Just when things get a little dicey.  A little bit uncomfortable.

Just when things don’t fit well, or work out just right.

I want instant gratification.  

An immediate God nod.

Ridiculous, I know.  But, true.

When peace eludes your life, your family, your heart.  Do you think… where are You?  Why aren’t You fixing this… faster?

What to do when you have been wronged?

I puzzled over this.  I knew there had to be an answer for this.  Somewhere in there.

My natural inclination is to throw spears, take stabs, slash with a brutal tongue.  This doesn’t sit very well.  In my searching, I realize it is not meant to sit well.  It isn’t meant to sit at all.  We bind ourselves up with messy, misshapen bandages in this attempt to soothe our own wounded hearts.

The self-made bandages are not meant to hold.  They are meant to be loose.  Set free for the healing… by the only Healer.

The alone thing… we are not meant to face these battles of truth alone.  We are instructed to arm ourselves with brothers… or sisters…

… ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

(Matthew 18:16)

So, sigh of great relief, we do not have to go this alone.  We are meant to bring our wounds, our strife, our woes… to Him.  Not alone… but, with another.

And, just when we think we are alone… we are not.  He is here.

Healing in His time… expecting our obedience, and patience… in the process.

He makes a promise to us in this place of questioning, wondering, hurting…

We are not alone.

 

PROMISE #23 ~ God promises He is with us when two, or three, come together in His name.

 

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

Filed Under: Brothers and Sisters, Faith, Family, Friendship, God's Promises, Together Tagged With: faith, God's promises, not alone, strife in life

October 22, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Sow and Reap ~ a good harvest

PROMISE #22 ~ REAPING A HARVEST

It can be heavy sometimes.

This life we live.

Sometimes, the weight on our shoulders feels enough to crush us through the very earth on which we stand.  We can barely hold our shaking legs upright.

Sometimes, we feel as though no one notices the hole crumbling deeper and deeper beneath our weight.

Sometimes, our knees give way and we fall crashing to the ground.

Sometimes, the weight on our shoulders is suddenly eased through the hands of one standing beside us.

Sometimes, just a finger’s touch on the heart, a word gently spoken, is enough to ease the weariness in our lives.

He told us it would be hard.

Some days are going to be hard.

Sometimes, the days become weeks, months, even years.

He tells us this will happen.

He has a plan.  He has a promise.  We have a part in this.

He spells it out for us…

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  (Galatians 6:2)

Now the thing about this is… that while we carry each other’s burdens…

He carries us.

 

PROMISE #22 ~ God promises us that we will reap a harvest if we do good and do not give up.

 

Galatians 6:9-10

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Friendship, God's Promises, Perseverance, Together Tagged With: burdens, faith, God's promises, helping others

October 19, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

She said so… (#19)

31 days of God's Promises

PROMISE #19 ~ HOPE

Hey girl.

Her sweet southern-ness flowed through the line.

It was dinnertime… one of those dinner times that everyone was actually sitting down.  All six squirmy kids and two weary wardens.

 I got your book.

I glanced at my husband and whispered her name.  He nodded, touching my arm…

 Go, talk to her.

I slid onto the corner chair, this attempt to hide from the sadness.  My voice instantly took on the familiar cadence of what seemed a lifetime ago.  The tune of the south rolling from my lips came easily as I talked with my dear friend.

Have you had a chance to look at it?  It’s really great… it really makes me hopeful… gets me almost excited.  You know, for when… well, someday.

I had sent her Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven.  I poured through it the year before.  I don’t remember exactly what brought me to reading it, but through the rearview… the time was closer than it appeared.

I haven’t read it yet, but my honey has already picked it up.  He loves it.  I’m going to read it as soon as I get a chance.

We talked a while.  At first, about all things normal.  Kids.  Husbands.  The used-to-be’s.  The remember-when’s.  We laughed.  We had always laughed… the kind that grips your side and makes you think life will always feel this good.

We talked about God.  The past couple of years… the years she wore pink and fought hard… these years we talked about Him more than anything else.  Funny, in 20 years, we had never really talked about Him at all.  Now, His name would not stay long from our lips.

 I just want you to know…

She choked the words, this woman who defined strength and emotional control (except for when she fought with her dear sister, every bit as southern and stubborn as she).

 I just want you to know… you’ve been a great friend to me.

My brimming tears broke their barrier and flowed.

You’ve always been there for me, supported me, even though we have lived far apart.  I just want you to know, I am grateful for you.  For your friendship.  I love you.

My own words caught in my throat.  This, the woman I had known half of her life… the one who split my sides with humor… the one who had been my cohort in the madness of twenty-something.  She just wasn’t one to spill her verbal love out, so seriously.

I knew.  I knew what it meant.

I saw her a few more times.  I saw the illness take her strength.  Her eyes never lost their sparkle.  In fact, towards the end… I saw a very new light in them.

She never did read the book Heaven.  She went to see it first hand.

I picked up my pen (rather, my keyboard) again, after she went.  The plan was not to write of sadness, but of hope.  Of friendship.  Of the travels with fellow sojourners.  Sisters of the faith.  This faith that came to meet me in my adulthood… the faith that had been barely visible in my youth.

I think about my girl every day.  The site of a bird, the wings of a dragonfly… they were her favorite… mostly I remember her words.

The thing I have learned, Karin, the thing I know now… He is always here.  No matter how bad the news is… it will always be ok.  No matter when the hope I have is dashed with more bad news… it will always be ok.  Even when I die… it will always be ok.

I am a writer of words.  I watch my life through the words I write.  I re-live the moments and sort them like my 10 baskets of laundry.  I see Him in the details.  The detail of every word, of every community, of every friendship.  All for His glory.  It will always be ok.

She said so.

He says so.

 

PROMISE #19 ~ God promises us hope.

 

Hebrews 10:22-24

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

 

Karin Madden

 

 

Filed Under: Community, Faith, Friendship, God's Promises, Hope, Together Tagged With: faith, friendship, God's promises, hope in the face of sadness

October 10, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

A step from the clouds (#10)

PROMISE #10 ~ LEAP OF FAITH

I am stuck in the clouds.

I am certain that one false move will take me careening toward the earth.

I prefer this envelope of false security… dependence on self… dependence on a chosen few that have my heart.

I trust the deceptive certainty of my own will, my own plans, my own heart.

I know I can count on me… after all

I can depend on my warrior…

There are a few close friends… some family…

I am fairly certain that my heart rests safely on the vapor of their humanness.

The truth is… I can trust them… I can trust me… as far as trusting a human soul holds water on its own…

Just like a cloud.

To step from the cloud… that is where the trust really lives… where the faith is born.

stepping out in faith

praying… praying

That He will catch me.

The God truth is… the One who bore me… all of us… into existence holds His hand under the billowy mist…

just waiting

waiting…

For me to leap.

 

PROMISE #10 ~ God will catch us in a leap of faith.

 

Psalm 28:7

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

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Filed Under: Faith, Family, Friendship, God's Promises, Trust Tagged With: God's promises, leap of faith, trust

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Meet Karin

Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.

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