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March 6, 2013 by Karin 2 Comments

And Then There Was Life

It’s only Tuesday.

I keep thinking it’s Thursday.

Not that it really makes much difference.

I just lose track.

It’s only been two days.  

My life friend lost her mother.  Her mother was a second mom to me in college.

It’s only been 3 months.

Her dear daddy passed.  Just 3 months before her mom.

It’s been almost a year.

Our third musketeer went home to Him.  She was too young… and her kids are just… kids.

Then there’s the little one my family loves so much… my 3-year-old’s bestie.  Her headaches are back.  Her little body fights.  We don’t know if it’s congestion, or the shunt.

Then there’s the anniversary of her mama’s passing.  Almost a year ago.  Her family fights on.  Her new mommy warms her new mother arms with little ones.

Then there’s the family who just lost their daddy.  He was too  young.  His children may not even remember him.  His wife…  I can hardly bear the thought.  It’s just too much.

Story after story after story.

Then the news.  The mess out there.  The fighting and bickering… and we are on the same side.  I think.

Sometimes it’s just too much.

My dear friend… she can barely muster the will to go to her own mom’s funeral.  It’s all just. too. much.

And we feel lost… and alone… and broken… and afraid… and just plain exhausted.

Then I read the most beautiful story about sheep.  A story about what sheep do… and how the shepherd comes for the neglected ones.  He comes for the broken, lost, and abandoned ones.  He cares for them and releases them.  These little sheep love him the most.  But, he loves them all the same.

He brought us light.  He saw that it was good.  Sometimes we get lost in the shadows.

He brought us love.  Sometimes we accept it.  Sometimes we are just too busy to notice… or too blind to see it… or too hurting to feel it.

life

The morning my friend’s mother passed into the Ages, her two young daughters were baptized.  They didn’t know their Nanny had passed.  The baptism was scheduled weeks before.  There are no coincidences.  Only God’s timing.  Even when it hurts.

When the girls heard of their grandmother passing… the words of their daddy,

the morning your names are written in the book of the Lamb…

is the morning your Nanny passes into His arms.

There are no coincidences.

He brought us light.

He came here.  He died here.  He rose again here.

He brought us life.

Sometimes it’s all just too much.

But, just when it feels like it’s all just too much… He brings us life.

He brings us a new life.

When we feel like we can’t take one more step… he picks us up…

and breathes life.

 

Romans 6:3-4

Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

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Filed Under: A Day in the Life, Faith Tagged With: faith, grief, pain of loss

February 28, 2013 by Karin Leave a Comment

Why Don’t You Play More?

His sky blue eyes peered up at me.

Mama, why don’t you play?

I looked up from my very important I-don’t-even-remember-what.

Play what, sweetie?

He slightly shrugged while the blond wisps of hair sheltered his puzzled expression.

You know, games.

Why don’t you play more?

Deep breath.  My hand took his small chin and focused on this young precious son of mine.

I don’t know.

I should play more.

Could-a, would-a, should-a.

No good reason.  Endless unimportant reasons.

Oh, I know why.  I don’t play more so I can gather more stuff, arrange all the stuff, clean all the stuff, organize all the stuff, and do it all again the next day.

Do you ever feel like you spend your time chasing your tail?  Then at the end of the day, you are mighty proud that you caught your tail for just a second, realized that you were in an impossible position ~ holding your tail, so you let go, and started chasing it all over again.

Isn’t this the way it is with the endless chores and to-dos?  The must-dos and gotta-gos.

All the while, the little ones you love to the end of time are wondering why you don’t just chill out and play.

It is definitely easier said than done.  We, after all, must care for, feed, wash, clothe, clean, teach, and on and on and on.

But, maybe, just a little more time should be made to play.  Just play.

play

It’s something that I have struggled and wrestled with for over a decade of motherhood.

It’s easy to say,

Forget the dishes and spend time with your child.

Until the dishes begin to spill out of the sink onto the floor.  Never mind all the other tasks, and chores, and places to go.

But… maybe… it’s not as complicated as it seems.

There is a time for everything.  Everything important.

I read a study that stated that children only need 15 minutes of devoted one-on-one time per day.

15 minutes.

That’s it.

Some things just are more important than other things.

I dread the day I have a clean house… and silent rooms.

So, today… I will play.

Forget the mess.  For just one day.

Embrace the little arms, pull out the toys, add to the mess… just play.

P retend you are that little kid again.  It’s one of the gifts of motherhood.  To be little again.
L eave the mess alone.  It will be there tomorrow.  We are here today.
A ppreciate the view in front of you.  It doesn’t have to be perfect to be perfectly beautiful.
Y es.  You can do this for one day.  It is one day.  One day is a long time for a kid… remember?

 

Psalm 33:3

Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.

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Filed Under: A Day in the Life, Family, Motherhood, The Good Stuff Tagged With: just play, like a child, the good stuff

February 14, 2013 by Karin Leave a Comment

When You Wonder If You Are Where You Should Be

I didn’t want to be there.

Not on that day, anyway.

The day after the Superbowl.  I live in a house of football fanatics.  It was a late night for warrior, mama and 5 of the six pack.

I tried to get out of it.  No luck.

So, there I was.

I was the parent of the day.  Not in the sense that I am awesome.  Not even close.  Parent of the day means running, making copies, cleaning bathrooms, supervising little ones, and being available for general mom duties while wonderful tutors instruct groups of home school kids.

The morning had been filled with standard duties and a broken heater.

Finally, a moment of peace.

I sat down and took one bite of a sandwich.  It would be hours before I would eat again.

Her small voice startled me.

Um, my teacher asked me to come get you.

She said she feels dizzy.

Have you ever had a moment in which clarity rang like a crystal bell?  For a moment, you know exactly what is happening, even if it does not appear clear to anyone else.  You see the train lights in the tunnel and the feeling of urgency grabs you and propels you into action.  You don’t even know why you sense this urgency, but it completely overtakes you.

Logically, I know dizziness can have all sorts of causes.

It wasn’t logic that brought me to toss my sandwich on the table and run down the hall.  It was the train lights and the sense of dread.

I bolted through her door where eight pairs of young eyes stared.

I’m just not feeling so well.

I’ve never felt this way before.

I pulled up a chair and planted myself next to this dear soul who teaches our little ones as if they are her own.

Rubbing her back and checking her pulse, I asked a few standard questions.

What did you eat?

Have you been sick?

Do you have pain anywhere else?

She shook her head no.

The moments following this rushed like the oncoming train.

It was here, in this place, on this day, that I sensed His presence greater than the lights roaring towards us.

where we should be

Her husband’s voice over the phone.

I don’t live far away.

I can take her to the hospital.

It was then that the urgency overwhelmed.  As if His voice echoed from the heavens.  I answered her husband’s concerns.

I’m going to call 911.

I believe she may be having a stroke.

Please come here and you can go with her.

Time sped.  Mothers of young children flocked.  The moments flowed as if choreographed by God’s own hands.

No sense of panic.  Calm voices prayed with our little ones as they watched a miracle unfold.

Her body grew weak, the ambulance arrived, and soon after so did her husband.

I kissed her head and promised her prayer… and they took her away.

It was nearing the end of the day.  The kind of day when you feel like you are floating… being propelled by the One great force.  An odd peace prevailed.

We gathered outside.  A bitter cold day.  A small group of moms.

Just moms.  A circle formed.  Then, words to the heavens.

We prayed.  And prayed.

It’s not often that prayer takes me to this place.  This place where I think if I open my eyes I’ll see His face.

There is no such thing as “just moms.”

A mighty force when we hold to each other and come to Him.  It blew my mind.

It was true.  She did have a stroke.

I’ve worked with hundreds of precious souls, blind-sided by strokes.

I’ve seen the results… the pain… the suffering… the fear and frustration.

I prayed for the bleeding to stop… before I knew it was a stroke.

You know what?

The bleeding stopped.  It stopped just in time.

She shared her faith with many in the hospital on that day.

We were all where we needed to be that day.

She recovered quickly.  One week later I hugged her neck in the same classroom.

She was new again.

Aren’t we all made new again every time we realize His presence?

Aren’t we always where we should be when we are moving in His will?

We are all a part of this story.  This eternal story.

The story… is so much bigger than just one story.

 

John 11:4

When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death.  No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

 

 

Filed Under: Community, Faith, Mercy, Together Tagged With: God's choreography, right place right time

February 8, 2013 by Karin 2 Comments

The Secret About Secrets

Secrets.

I’ve had secrets.

Have you ever had a secret?

The surest way to lose your mind is to keep a secret.

I’ve never told anyone else this…

Her eyes trembling tears.

I am so ashamed.

What I can see now… the worst thing about a secret, is not the secret itself.
The worst thing about a secret is… secrecy.

This burden of taking it on… all alone.

Secrets

Now I’m not talking about sharing your every woe with every soul that passes through.
I’m not talking about divulging a confidence that is meant to relieve burden from another.
I’m not talking about airing every piece of dirty laundry to anyone close enough to get a whiff.

I am talking about the kind of secret that sneaks into the soul and boroughs itself into the dark recesses of the heart.

The kind of secret that whispers…

No one will understand.

No one else has done this.

No one will love you… if you tell.

The kind of secret that snarls…

You should be ashamed.

This secrecy is the snarling wolf that circles the unsuspecting sheep.

It circles its distracted prey… growling lies.

You have nowhere to go.

You won’t get away from this one.

You are alone.

The secret devours… and it lies.

Our enemy lies.  He circles and circles, crouching low.  Hissing lies.

Until we stop.

Have you ever been in this corner?  Have you ever found yourself in this corner, shivering and trembling… and wondering,

How did I get here?

I’ve had these kind of secrets.  The stress of them pains the stomach and numbs the heart.

We whisper to ourselves…

I can work this out.

I can put it out of my mind.

I can get past this.

And.  We.  Can’t.

Not alone.

Can I just tell you that you are not alone?  The snarling wolf has no power over you.  The secret is not as horrible as the secrecy.

There is nothing that shocks God.

There are no surprises to Divine ears.

There is nothing… nothing that can separate us from Him… unless we let it.

Tell Him your secret.

Here’s the other thing.

Tell someone else.

We are here together for a reason.  We are not made to be islands.  We all have secrets.  We so often have the same secrets.  We just don’t know it.

Until we tell.

When we tell… the secrecy vanishes.  Just.  Like.  That.

The problems may not be gone.  The pain may not be over.  The journey may just be beginning.

The secret is gone.  It’s not a secret anymore.

Tell someone.  Take the power away from the secret.  Give it back to God.

The truth will set you free.

 

2 Corinthians 4:2

Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.  On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend  ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.

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Filed Under: Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Together Tagged With: lies of the enemy, not an island, secrets

February 1, 2013 by Karin 2 Comments

Just When We Think We Are Good To Go

Who knew it would hurt so much?

I mean it’s been almost a year and I feel like a thick scab has been ripped from an unsuspecting wound.

Who knew grief would haunt you when you least expect it?  

I didn’t know.  I thought I was good to go.

I don’t think so much about her suffering.  I think more about the days before the word cancer ever entered our conversations.  I think about who she was.  Not this victim who needed treatments, radiation, chemotherapy, meals for her family, get well cards, and wigs.  I think about her radiance before a vicious disease tried to claim her.

She gave a speech once.  She knew what her prognosis was at this time.  She said that she was a survivor.  She was surviving the attack of the vicious enemy.  She would survive the attack… even when it took her last breath.

I remember the priest at her funeral telling us that she wanted answers for the suffering.

Don’t we all want answers for the suffering? 

Don’t we all want to throttle the suffering until it can no longer take one more victim?

The priest spoke words I will never forget.  He told her that Jesus’ story is about the suffering.  His very purpose was to come here, to claim us, through His suffering.  The culmination of His earthly story, the story that rattles us and tears the human skin from our souls, is His story of suffering.

She walked this suffering, bearing her cross.  She was gracious, and beautiful, and loving, and kind.  Her humor split my sides.  She did not understand her suffering, but she bore it.

Face to face with death, how does a soul bear it? 

I thought I had made it through.  The memory of birthdays, Christmas cards, texts, phone calls.  It’s been almost a year.  I expected the anniversary of her home-going to hit.  The same day as my little one’s birthday.  My plan… focus on the birth.  The birth of my baby.  My friend’s birth into perfection.

I didn’t think the wound would ooze tonight. 

But, here it is.  Bleeding.  All over a screen.

Life is good.  Life goes on.  She would want that.  Then, this shot of pain… right through the heart. 

Checking old text messages.  Listening to old voicemail.  Just her voice… one more time.

Grace like rain.  The wound torn open to wash clean again with grace.  Just when I think I’m good to go.  He reminds me of grace. 

grace rain

 

We are not good to go here.  We are far from good.  We are covered in grace.  Just like rain.

She would tell me this.

It will always be ok. 

All because of His grace.

This grace raining over me.  Me raining all over this keyboard.  His grace all over… all of it.

This reign of grace.

There will be no more suffering… no more victims… all because of grace.

 

Romans 5:21

so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

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Filed Under: A Day in the Life, Faith, Friendship, Grace, Perseverance Tagged With: good to go, grief's sneak attack, reign of grace

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Meet Karin

Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.

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