faith Archives - Page 8 of 10

September 28, 2012 by Karin 8 Comments

grasping at straws (for five minutes this Friday)

Grasp

Grasping at straws. Don’t you sometimes feel like you are grasping at straws?

Grasping at straws… it is trying to find reasons to be hopeful about a bad situation… it is to make a desperate and almost certainly futile effort to save oneself. This is grasping at straws defined.

I read that it comes from an analogy of someone floating… drowning… in a river… and reaching… with desperation for the reeds growing on the river bank. Grasping for something… anything… to hold on to.

I look into my aging mother’s eyes. I see her confusion flicker. My father’s frustration. I… grasp at straws… try to bless. Grasping with desperation to save. Them. Me.

Then the voice… a whisper

I have this

you don’t have to save them… or yourself…

I have already done that.

Let the water… the water of life… let it carry all of you.

Stop grasping.

Let go.

Grasp for Him…

G o to Him for the saving

R emember that He has already finished the battle

A cknowledge that He has taken the straws and built a bridge right to Himself… for all of us

S top. Listen. He is whispering to you right now.

P raise Him that you are free… free to breathe.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

September 24, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

They sat behind me. A group of pretty young women. The familiarity between them evident… a comfort level between friends… co-workers. Common souls with clinicians’ hearts, spending days… years together.

A conference. I’ve been to countless… absorbing and re-absorbing medical details, clinical jargon so familiar to me. A life before my mama life. A momentary re-awakening to hibernating areas of my brain.

These young women… seemed almost like girls to me. I smiled to myself. They looked almost familiar… a look in the rearview mirror.

I peered to the empty seat next to me. Searching. But for a moment, a tugging memory… the voice in my mind almost audible.

Girl, what do you want to do tonight?

The voice vanished. I looked back, smiled. The plans would be theirs. My friend, my school mate, my comrade in the joy and madness of clinical practice… therapy with the injured… my pretty young friend… she is gone.

Our friendship began in college, continued through years of graduate studies, carried over into the workforce… in the same hospital. We were sisters in arms. We worked, we played… our group of friends… spanned decades.

Funny, how a moment jolts a memory… in just a blink. A laugh between friends… whispers of agreement… arms of comfort. These young women. They reminded me of us.

A thought. I scrambled for my phone. The text. When was it? I had saved it. A treasure for just this moment. Searching. There!

Girl i was just texting to find out when you were having the baby and i found this congrats

she is gorgeous

ill call soon

She never did. It was the only picture of my baby that she ever saw.

Her sister would be the one to kiss my baby’s head… a kiss passed on from her auntie… this kiss given at my friend’s funeral.

I smiled, as if nudged on the arm by my invisible companion in this room.

The text was a year ago… to the day. I just wanted to remind you to look.

The last months, a struggle. My friend, disappeared into His arms.

I can’t help but hold on the last text. The last voice mails. It is odd to hear her voice… but, I listen. Just every once in a while. I miss her voice.

Pictures I have seen. Her loving husband. He fought so hard, right by her side. He loved her well. A dad filling shoes of a father and mother with grace. The pictures… a beautiful smile next to his. The face of a pretty woman peering through the lens… leaning on his shoulder. It is not the face of my friend. She does remind me of her a bit. Bright smile… the dark hair… shining eyes.

This a young mother… walking through her own loss. Raising young children without their dad.

The two smiles… a visible comfort.

It is an odd feeling… this joy… and pain… all at the same time.

Joy to see his face lit in happiness. The sorrow on that face had lingered in my mind. The prayers from my own little ones… for the comfort of this dad… traveling alone down this path of parenthood.

Pain, too. She is really gone. Something so suddenly… final. A gift as I hear another whisper…

She is with Me

Do not be afraid

The joy swells over the pain like a crashing wave. A gift from Him. These two souls to meet. All in His timing.

A message… from the third of our musketeer pack…

he has a girlfriend. Is that ok?

This mixture of joy and pain running through her mind as well.

it’s ok. it’s God’s timing. He’s better at it than we are.

The joy. The joy in this very truth. He is better at it than we are. Trust.

He will teach us… to catch… and… to release.

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

September 20, 2012 by Karin 4 Comments

The eye-view from above

Airborne.

Have you ever wanted to step into someone else’s shoes? Just for a minute to see this world through his eyes? See what he sees.

To find the answers to questions that ripple through a mind… after a long day as mama

what takes a dear daddy from his family for too many hours?

too many days?

too much time?

The practical reasons are clear. A living must be made. Providing for seven more, plus self… a beautiful gift… and a precious load, all at the same time. The honorable reasons are treasured… protection of country… of home… of us.

What if you could trade places for one day? (I joke that his day would be tougher in the trade…)

What does he see when he is away from us?

The chance to see out… through the soul windows of another. The eyes of the other half of my soul.

Airborne.

The steely gray bird lifts into the air, carrying all of us in her cavernous belly.

The red mesh seats folded down, oxygen packs nestled behind our heads… a reassuring pillow.

The thrill of anticipation. This gift to a warrior’s wife. Sliding behind a warrior’s eyes for just a short time. Seeing what he sees. This view from above.

Breathtaking.

I have flown many times… this is different. The open belly, the impending mission. Unknown to this mama of six.

I get to see what he sees.

This pilot of mine… this is why he loves it so much.

It’s odd, how peaceful, how calm the world appears from thousands of feet in the air… how slow and orderly it all seems from up there, surpassing any possible ground speed.

The rumble of the engines, a calming tune.

Then, the words.

They are 5 minutes out.

Racing heart.

I can’t believe I get to see this!

Do this!

The windows to the sky… lying in wait. I peer out… roads, rivers, wrapped around fields of green. The smattering of billowy clouds break the endless blue. Then I see them. The jets. The angular machines, like the beloved toys of my children… small in the distance… growing larger… towards the belly of this steel bird.

It is like a nursing mother

I had joked with my husband. He laughed. They call them chicks. Following the mama. Chicks in tow.

The boom awaits the first thirsty Falcon. Stunned, I watch as the two merge by just one small opening. The larger bird giving fuel to the smaller. Hundreds of miles an hour they fly… only feet apart… then attached. The skill of the steady hands I see… the flier, the boom operator… the dance in the sky is perfect precision.

this is what he sees

this is how the world looks to him, when he is away from us

this view ~ exhilarating

My giddy excitement at watching this… one of those moments in life, you can’t quite believe to be real.

I see why he loves this so much

I see the beauty of below

I see it more clearly from up here

To see the world as my warrior sees it… just for a little while.

My mind goes to Him… to God.

This is what He sees…

but infinitely more

The shutter clicking furiously… I do not want to miss a second of this. I want to absorb this moment… to store it deep, for the times I wonder where he is. I want to remember to see… what he sees. The earth from up high, through my warrior’s eyes.

don’t forget to see with your eyes…

A friend whispers from my side… hers too, an airborne warrior.

don’t forget to see with your eyes

I lower the rabid camera… peering at the sight before me. This time meant to live right here… now. Be present in this moment. His eye-view meant to be a glimpse. A glimpse of the God-eye view.

this spectacular beauty lost in the rush on the ground

A thought… the mom-eye view… on the ground. The spectacular beauty around me… every day.

don’t forget to see…

with your eyes.

Be present in this moment. His glory all around.

Isaiah 33:17

Your eyes will see the king in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar.

September 10, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Let’s get specific

We sit down for night-time prayers with our six pack.

We take turns. Add requests as we go. Everyone with an opportunity to throw his or her chips into the pot.

cashing in our chips

We go around and ask… each one…

what are you sorry for?

whom can we pray for?

what are you thankful for?

what do you need help with?

The thanks, the praise, the list of requests… roll easily off our tongues.

what are you sorry for?

That’s the tough one… we watch as the young ones squirm in discomfort. We old ones, squirm a bit, too.

um, everything I did wrong today.

Ok, that sums it up. Chips cashed in… sorry spoken… slate clean… good to go. Well, not quite. More like, squirming avoided.

what are you really sorry for?

Let’s get specific…

Specifically spelling out sin, the things we have done wrong… it is difficult, uncomfortable… we want to throw the chips in… without naming them. Maybe they’ll just disappear and we can move on, sort of forget about them… and pray that we are covered. We did say sorry, after all.

Name one thing…

We are all generally a mess… we sinners… we humans. The gift of forgiveness… in the specific places we need forgiveness… that’s where the humility and the healing live. Ah, humility, just as soon as her name is mentioned, she darts into the corner… hiding behind pride. We want to hide behind the generalities…

here are my chips…

can You just get rid of them?

replace them with Your grace and mercy?

No, I don’t really want to pinpoint them… some of them are pretty bad.

Specifically pointing out to God what we have done wrong… although He already knows it… this is a painful thing. The specifics are where we are honest with ourselves… before Him. Once we point out the details… the very places we are broken ~ or have broken others… once we point out these details, we find ourselves at a cross-road. We change… or we disobey. Obedience is a tough one for our human nature. The confession, the change, the obedience… they are not about shame. They are the road to healing. Healing for our sake, others’ sake, His sake.

You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you round the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never get your eyes on the obstacle or on the difficulty. The obstacle is a matter of indifference to the river which will flow steadily through you if you remember to keep right at the Source.

Oswald Chambers

The place we get right with God… this is the place we move the boulder from the river. Make a clear path for the living water to flow through us. The water will not be stopped by the boulder, it will find a way around, but the path clear of obstacles is the straightest… clearest path.

I don’t want to be an obstacle to His work… I want to teach my children how to open their road for Him. The way I know to get to the healing, the clearing of the way, the place of obedience… is by telling Him exactly where I see my mistakes, by asking Him to show me the ones I don’t see so clearly. Specifically.

Tell Him where you messed up… He knows already.

He’ll get you to the healing place…

If you allow Him into the hidden places.

He already knows. He is waiting to forgive… as soon as we name our chips. One. By. One.

Great relief.

Proverbs 28:13

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

September 7, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Faith in the Fray

So you are walking along with God. Things are going well… you are excited, inspired… you feel really close to Him… sense His presence.

You are on the mountain top. It seems as though nothing could change ~ like you’ll never stop feeling this way. You think you understand which way is up and which way is down. You understand ~ and it feels good.

It’s like this in relationships. Everything is moving along pretty smoothly… everything, or at least most things, seem to make sense.

Then. You slip. No longer on the mountain top… you are holding onto the edge of the cliff… with all your might… wondering

what happened?

I don’t understand.

I love this place on the mountain top. It’s an exhilarating place… a place you know you belong… and you never want to leave.

But, we do leave it. We slip… and fall… and sometimes tumble further down than we think we would go. We lose the fire, the thrill… we become complacent, or frustrated, or discouraged… and we wonder

why?

What do you do when your life… when your faith… when your walk… is in the fray? The fray ~ defined, it means a threadbare spot, as on fabric, or a noisy quarrel, fight or brawl. Any of these definitions could apply.

What do you do when your life… when your faith is in the threadbare spot… or in the midst of the quarrel… the middle of the brawl?

You want to rise above the fray… get back to the mountain top… how do you dig your fingers into the crag and pull yourself up to the top?

I’ve been thinking about this, in the midst of mama temper… the little irritations with wanting to get things done, but having to jump hurdles to get the finish line. I’ve muttered a few cuss words under my breath… and sadly, some over my breath.

I’ve been thinking about this, in the midst of relationships… that just aren’t going the way they should… the way I understand to be right… all the messy humanness getting in the way.

The longer I walk with Him, the more discomfort I feel… when I mess up… the big ones, pretty easy to figure out… but, even the little ones. The mess-ups don’t sit well. They don’t sit at all. They stand up… stare me in the face, and say…

nope, try again.

So, what do we do when we are stuck in the fray… and we want so badly to rise above… rise above the fray?

Tell Him. Tell Him you are stuck. Tell Him you want up and out of this place. Tell Him you are sorry… and mean it. The most amazing thing happens. He forgives. Every. Time. Amazing. Nowhere on earth do we get a clean slate like we do with Him. I don’t know why… but, He says we do. I believe Him.
Tell a Christ-loving friend. You know the kind. The one who will tell you when you are wrong… when you are right… and will remind you that you will not always be at the top of the mountain. The friend who will help pull… or push you back up there. If you don’t have this kind of friend, ask Him for one. He will provide. He’s got your back.
Just keep going. Keep climbing. Keep moving… forward. Keep focused on the right One… without worrying about why it doesn’t all make sense right now. We don’t have the bird’s-eye view… the God’s eye view. I tell my kids… just keep swimming… just keep swimming. (Dory had it right).

Keep walking in faith, even when we don’t understand why…

Understanding only this…

Faith, and life, above the fray… that is the place to stay.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

grasping at straws (for five minutes this Friday)

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

The eye-view from above

Let’s get specific

Faith in the Fray

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