How many times have I thought that as a mom? Countless.
What if I forget to… what if something happens when… what if they don’t learn this… what if they mess up… what if I mess up…
The countless “what if” questions run through my mind… keep me up sometimes at night… worry me. What if I don’t teach them the important stuff… and teach it well.
I remember buying the first car seat. The first of probably 10 car seats ~ no kidding (our garage bears witness). What brand? What size? What color?
what if we have an accident?!
The cost didn’t matter ~ 10 times, the cost didn’t matter. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?! I had to be sure that nothing would happen to my little one.
I have gone through years of upgrading and updating those seats just to make sure nothing happens to my precious little ones.
The fear and anxiety can embed themselves, unrecognizable, as a part of what is called “motherhood.”
I watched my oldest son ~ he tried on the pads, the helmet, the gloves, the elbow pads, the mouth guard… I just stared at the proud boy ~ dressed as a small warrior.
All these years of carefully selecting, endlessly researching the perfect bubble… and now this.
my boy, in body armour
heading out to the field… to run, exhilarating youth, around a field… hitting, checking, crashing.
I have worked tirelessly to create complete security, only to watch him run out there into the world.
I think of my German-born father… drafted during WWII… to fight for his country ~ he was fifteen.
Fifteen years old!
He fought… he was wounded by a bullet. He was only seventeen.
My dad was only a few years older than my boy.
What my grandmother must have thought? How she must have prayed. The fear, the anxiety… the thought sickens… that much fear. Her protective bubble burst.
My father became my dad 26 years later. No amount of fear or anxiety would change that. He survived. The fear and anxiety did not change a thing.
fear and anxiety do not change a thing
The “what if” questions… they haunt us, but they do not change a thing.
I think of the first lines I ever memorized… now it strikes me… they were meant for me. A mother.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I am thankful, I pray… now, release the fear…
Do not be anxious about anything…