Mercy Archives - Page 4 of 4

October 2, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Billboards and Bumper Stickers (#2)

#2 ~ PROVISION

12 hours.

1 truck.

6 kids.

2 parents.

2nd time.

1 week.

Road trip.

0 patience

1 definition of insanity.

I need some of God’s promises…

The truth… the kids did great, after much anticipation and recollection of past (painful) road trips. The kids did great. God is good.

My warrior and I had plenty of time to catch up on thoughts, laughs, concerns, memories… all of this between passing bottles, crackers, sippy cups, sandwiches, cookies, movies, reprimands, praises, scowls, smiles… to the back of the red bullet flying down the highway. (I really want to develop a pulley system… back and forth, back and forth).

During the peaceful times (thanks to Pixar), warrior husband and I were able to catch up… on all things related to worry. You know, the things of finance, war, peace, future, and on and on…

Not long into our journey back home, we were both plagued by dormant frustrations that had reared their ugly heads.

I think He uses this to test our response.

To see if we are learning… moving forward… toward Him.

My warrior nodded in agreement.

Silently we pondered, while the rain began to drizzle from the southern skies, wheels spinning, headphone adorned children mesmerized. Quiet. Peace in our hearts… missing.

My thoughts called to Him.

I want to trust You.

I want to know You are here. That You will provide for us.

I know You have time and again. I am sorry I keep asking. I want to trust You more.

My husband has this thing with God. His many commutes back and forth to and from work… he sees God speak to Him…

on billboards and bumper stickers

You know, He speaks to us any way we will hear Him. He knows where we are… heart, mind, body… every moment.

For my warrior… it’s

on billboards and bumper stickers

I don’t know why it amazes me every time… every. single. time. I am blown away. His presence. His faithfulness. His wooing. His reassurance. With Him… trust is rightfully placed.

Don’t you know… 5 minutes into this journey northbound with our six pack… He made it perfectly clear. Not once. Not twice.

At least six times. I lost count.

Just minutes after my thoughts stirred, my heart stirred… wanting so badly to battle the worries of this world…

I looked up.

Need Directions? … God

Not a small sign. On a tractor-trailer!

Then,

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Proverbs 3:5

(Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding)

On the same big rig.

My warrior and I grinned at each other.

5 minutes later… just a few miles down the road…

A red car sped past us… a bumper sticker…

Need directions? Ask God.

Are You kidding me? We both laughed. Ok, ok, we get it…

If there was any doubt, He was going to squelch it.

A few more miles down the road… a billboard… no, two billboards stacked upon each other…

Jesus. I trust You!

Really? We are that dense?

He knows we need Him that much. He loves so much that He relentlessly pursues us, reassures us.

But, He was not finished yet. Yet a few more miles and one more state line behind us… a sign, barely visible on a tree… on the side of the interstate…

No matter what,

Trust God.

We could barely make eye contact with each other. We, waited… for the next one…

And another. A billboard…

God loves you

Still, not enough… a family truck passed us by… a license plate

8 4Jesus

Just like us. Our road trip with 8… our journey with our six pack. All of us… for Jesus.

Just as I am pondering God’s promises. Just as my trust flickers, sparks, trembles in the wind. Just then… He, full of grace and love… He reminds me to trust. He will provide. Every time. All the time. Without fail. A promise. Never broken.

PROMISE #2 ~ God will provide.

Matthew 6:31-34

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

September 25, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Through the eyes of a child

I open my eyes. This new day cracked through the sky to reveal the glorious sunlight. I hear my mother, my father… they are speaking to someone outside these mud walls. I hear my mother… joyous tears. My father… with a voice… different. I have not heard this sound from him before. Hope?

I hear the animals. We have two. The bleating goats… a milk provision. My brother and sister like to walk with them. I hear the stirring of the land. This land of ours used again and again, by my father and his friends… in hopes that it will yield… something… anything to give us a meal. I hear the gathering of my friends. It is time to walk for the gathering of our water.

The night is done. I am relieved. I am afraid in the night. The darkness smothers our two room hut. The sounds of the night here pierce my skin and frighten me. I pray for morning. I pray for the sun. This morning… different. I hear the voices. I sense… this change. Joy?

I smell the waste. Our village has no good place for waste. The smell of it rises with the sun. The heat burns the odors into the air. I have always known this smell. I wish I could wash it clean. My mother runs to wake me. I smell the salt of the tears on her cheeks.

Wake up

Wake up

She whispers in my ear. I smell her warmth… the dirt driven deep into skin by years of labor. Working to keep us alive… fed… sheltered… clothed. We can not pay for school. I wish I could read. I have heard of others… a few… who have this chance. I have heard them speak of Jesus. I want to know this Jesus that they speak of.

someone has come!

someone sees us!

someone sees you!

They have come to tell my parents of a sponsor. Someone has seen me. Someone has chosen me. Someone has brought a new sound of hope to our life. Someone has brought a smell of joy to this home. Someone has seen us.

I follow my mother. To see this visitor. I see. I see the smile. The joy in my parents. I feel a hope. I have not known this hope before. I look into the eyes of our visitor. I see love. I see compassion.

C atch the ones who have fallen aside, unnoticed, alone, forgotten, afraid, hopeless

O ffer a hand, a heart, a hope

M ove the despair from the eyes… replace it with joy

P repare a new heart for a new faith… a new birth into a great Kingdom… the only Kingdom

A ccept the prompting from Him… a nudge… a beckoning to open hands… fully

S ee the person… the child… behind the suffering

S hare the love of Christ

I gnore the lies that it will not make a difference… every. one. matters. every. single. one.

O ffer a chance to learn… to leave the poverty behind

N urture a desperate soul… in desperate need… of love.

(photo credit – Compassion International)

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

September 24, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

They sat behind me. A group of pretty young women. The familiarity between them evident… a comfort level between friends… co-workers. Common souls with clinicians’ hearts, spending days… years together.

A conference. I’ve been to countless… absorbing and re-absorbing medical details, clinical jargon so familiar to me. A life before my mama life. A momentary re-awakening to hibernating areas of my brain.

These young women… seemed almost like girls to me. I smiled to myself. They looked almost familiar… a look in the rearview mirror.

I peered to the empty seat next to me. Searching. But for a moment, a tugging memory… the voice in my mind almost audible.

Girl, what do you want to do tonight?

The voice vanished. I looked back, smiled. The plans would be theirs. My friend, my school mate, my comrade in the joy and madness of clinical practice… therapy with the injured… my pretty young friend… she is gone.

Our friendship began in college, continued through years of graduate studies, carried over into the workforce… in the same hospital. We were sisters in arms. We worked, we played… our group of friends… spanned decades.

Funny, how a moment jolts a memory… in just a blink. A laugh between friends… whispers of agreement… arms of comfort. These young women. They reminded me of us.

A thought. I scrambled for my phone. The text. When was it? I had saved it. A treasure for just this moment. Searching. There!

Girl i was just texting to find out when you were having the baby and i found this congrats

she is gorgeous

ill call soon

She never did. It was the only picture of my baby that she ever saw.

Her sister would be the one to kiss my baby’s head… a kiss passed on from her auntie… this kiss given at my friend’s funeral.

I smiled, as if nudged on the arm by my invisible companion in this room.

The text was a year ago… to the day. I just wanted to remind you to look.

The last months, a struggle. My friend, disappeared into His arms.

I can’t help but hold on the last text. The last voice mails. It is odd to hear her voice… but, I listen. Just every once in a while. I miss her voice.

Pictures I have seen. Her loving husband. He fought so hard, right by her side. He loved her well. A dad filling shoes of a father and mother with grace. The pictures… a beautiful smile next to his. The face of a pretty woman peering through the lens… leaning on his shoulder. It is not the face of my friend. She does remind me of her a bit. Bright smile… the dark hair… shining eyes.

This a young mother… walking through her own loss. Raising young children without their dad.

The two smiles… a visible comfort.

It is an odd feeling… this joy… and pain… all at the same time.

Joy to see his face lit in happiness. The sorrow on that face had lingered in my mind. The prayers from my own little ones… for the comfort of this dad… traveling alone down this path of parenthood.

Pain, too. She is really gone. Something so suddenly… final. A gift as I hear another whisper…

She is with Me

Do not be afraid

The joy swells over the pain like a crashing wave. A gift from Him. These two souls to meet. All in His timing.

A message… from the third of our musketeer pack…

he has a girlfriend. Is that ok?

This mixture of joy and pain running through her mind as well.

it’s ok. it’s God’s timing. He’s better at it than we are.

The joy. The joy in this very truth. He is better at it than we are. Trust.

He will teach us… to catch… and… to release.

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

September 11, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Dear God… (a love letter)

Dear God,

This suddenly makes You so much more real to me. Writing a letter, putting words on paper… I only do that with the people I love, the ones I can touch. Writing this letter makes me realize with a jolt… that You are so very real. I spend so much time thinking about You, speaking to You (mostly in my mind… though I am learning to speak out loud. Speaking out loud just makes You more real to me. I’m not one to talk out loud to no one, after all). I spend time talking with my kids, my husband, my friends, my parents… about You. I have written about You so many times. I wonder why I have never written to You? I read what You have written to me. I suppose You might enjoy a letter, too. Real words about real love.

The words come a bit more slowly this way. Funny how I am laboring to say just the right thing… hoping I will somehow impress You, make You love me more, see me for who I am. The words I write… I want them to show You how well I can put words together, but I suddenly gather that You care more about how well I can put Your words together. What have You told me in Your letters to me? So many lessons, so much Fatherly advice, direction, instruction. Love. That’s it. The message in all of Your letters. Love. You want me to love You, and You show me how… by loving me. You are doing a much better job than I am. Then there’s the other part… loving others… more than myself. You, better job, again. I really want to be more like You.

You have lovingly taken me along my path in life and picked me up when I failed ~ even when I didn’t know I was failing. You pointed me in the right direction, again, gave me a pat on my back… words of encouragement… and Your love. You gave me a most incredible husband, and are showing me how to get through the messy selfishness in marriage. You gave me six kids! That’s a lot of kids. I never dreamed…

You gave me a desire to love my six pack of kids so much that I would place You directly in their sights. This was all a bit foreign to me, but You nudged me along and whispered words of encouragement when I doubted. You have touched me.

One night, while I was up too late… You opened my eyes. You opened my eyes to small faces on a screen… after I had tucked my six small faces into their warm beds. You opened my eyes to the need behind the young eyes. A need I had pushed into the background of my mind ~ assuming someone out there would take care of them. Somebody out there had to notice. Suddenly I started to cry like I hadn’t cried in quite a while. I realized I was the someone out there who needed to notice…

Their names are Elie and Myrlande. They live in Haiti. My kids were so excited when we printed out their pictures from the Compassion sponsor page that they went running to Daddy, as he walked in the door at the end of the day. Two more kids! I couldn’t believe the joy we felt. It was surreal. Like we had just reached out across the waters… and touched them.

We pray for them every day. The greatest thing is… my little ones pray for them before I can even get the words out. We have prayed for them especially now after Hurricane Isaac swept across Haiti.

Letters. Writing letters. I write to people I love, the ones I can touch. How odd that I haven’t written to You before. You are touching every part of my life, of my husband’s life, my children’s lives… Elie and Myrlande’s lives. That’s it! It’s how You want me to touch their lives! You touch us as we touch each other… with love. A love greater than that for ourselves. The words are beginning to come more easily now…

You want us to love with more than words… more than speech. You want us to love with action… with truth.

Thank you, God, for letting me come to You. For blessing me. For blessing my husband and my children. Thank You for using us to bless.

We are blessed to be a blessing.

Thank you for Your words… thank you for loving us with your Word.

All my love,

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

September 10, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Let’s get specific

We sit down for night-time prayers with our six pack.

We take turns. Add requests as we go. Everyone with an opportunity to throw his or her chips into the pot.

cashing in our chips

We go around and ask… each one…

what are you sorry for?

whom can we pray for?

what are you thankful for?

what do you need help with?

The thanks, the praise, the list of requests… roll easily off our tongues.

what are you sorry for?

That’s the tough one… we watch as the young ones squirm in discomfort. We old ones, squirm a bit, too.

um, everything I did wrong today.

Ok, that sums it up. Chips cashed in… sorry spoken… slate clean… good to go. Well, not quite. More like, squirming avoided.

what are you really sorry for?

Let’s get specific…

Specifically spelling out sin, the things we have done wrong… it is difficult, uncomfortable… we want to throw the chips in… without naming them. Maybe they’ll just disappear and we can move on, sort of forget about them… and pray that we are covered. We did say sorry, after all.

Name one thing…

We are all generally a mess… we sinners… we humans. The gift of forgiveness… in the specific places we need forgiveness… that’s where the humility and the healing live. Ah, humility, just as soon as her name is mentioned, she darts into the corner… hiding behind pride. We want to hide behind the generalities…

here are my chips…

can You just get rid of them?

replace them with Your grace and mercy?

No, I don’t really want to pinpoint them… some of them are pretty bad.

Specifically pointing out to God what we have done wrong… although He already knows it… this is a painful thing. The specifics are where we are honest with ourselves… before Him. Once we point out the details… the very places we are broken ~ or have broken others… once we point out these details, we find ourselves at a cross-road. We change… or we disobey. Obedience is a tough one for our human nature. The confession, the change, the obedience… they are not about shame. They are the road to healing. Healing for our sake, others’ sake, His sake.

You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you round the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never get your eyes on the obstacle or on the difficulty. The obstacle is a matter of indifference to the river which will flow steadily through you if you remember to keep right at the Source.

Oswald Chambers

The place we get right with God… this is the place we move the boulder from the river. Make a clear path for the living water to flow through us. The water will not be stopped by the boulder, it will find a way around, but the path clear of obstacles is the straightest… clearest path.

I don’t want to be an obstacle to His work… I want to teach my children how to open their road for Him. The way I know to get to the healing, the clearing of the way, the place of obedience… is by telling Him exactly where I see my mistakes, by asking Him to show me the ones I don’t see so clearly. Specifically.

Tell Him where you messed up… He knows already.

He’ll get you to the healing place…

If you allow Him into the hidden places.

He already knows. He is waiting to forgive… as soon as we name our chips. One. By. One.

Great relief.

Proverbs 28:13

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Billboards and Bumper Stickers (#2)

Through the eyes of a child

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

Dear God… (a love letter)

Let’s get specific

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