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September 24, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

They sat behind me.  A group of pretty young women.  The familiarity between them evident… a comfort level between friends… co-workers.  Common souls with clinicians’ hearts, spending days… years together.

A conference.  I’ve been to countless… absorbing and re-absorbing medical details, clinical jargon so familiar to me.  A life before my mama life.  A momentary re-awakening to hibernating areas of my brain.

These young women… seemed almost like girls to me.  I smiled to myself.  They looked almost familiar… a look in the rearview mirror.

I peered to the empty seat next to me.  Searching.  But for a moment, a tugging memory… the voice in my mind almost audible.

Girl, what do you want to do tonight?

The voice vanished.  I looked back, smiled.  The plans would be theirs.  My friend, my school mate, my comrade in the joy and madness of clinical practice… therapy with the injured… my pretty young friend… she is gone.

Our friendship began in college, continued through years of graduate studies, carried over into the workforce… in the same hospital.  We were sisters in arms.  We worked, we played… our group of friends… spanned decades.

Funny, how a moment jolts a memory… in just a blink.  A laugh between friends… whispers of agreement… arms of comfort.  These young women.  They reminded me of us.

A thought.  I scrambled for my phone.  The text.  When was it?  I had saved it.  A treasure for just this moment.  Searching.  There!

Girl   i was just texting to find out when you were having the baby and i found this    congrats

she is gorgeous

ill call soon

She never did.  It was the only picture of my baby that she ever saw.

Her sister would be the one to kiss my baby’s head… a kiss passed on from her auntie… this kiss given at my friend’s funeral.

I smiled, as if nudged on the arm by my invisible companion in this room.

The text was a year ago… to the day.  I just wanted to remind you to look.

The last months, a struggle.  My friend, disappeared into His arms.

I can’t help but hold on the last text.  The last voice mails.  It is odd to hear her voice… but, I listen.  Just every once in a while.  I miss her voice.

Pictures I have seen.  Her loving husband.  He fought so hard, right by her side.  He loved her well.  A dad filling shoes of a father and mother with grace.  The pictures… a beautiful smile next to his.  The face of a pretty woman peering through the lens… leaning on his shoulder.  It is not the face of my friend.  She does remind me of her a bit.  Bright smile… the dark hair… shining eyes.

This a young mother… walking through her own loss.  Raising young children without their dad.

The two smiles… a visible comfort.

It is an odd feeling… this joy… and pain… all at the same time.

Joy to see his face lit in happiness.  The sorrow on that face had lingered in my mind.  The prayers from my own little ones… for the comfort of this dad… traveling alone down this path of parenthood.

Pain, too.  She is really gone.  Something so suddenly… final.  A gift as I hear another whisper…

She is with Me

Do not be afraid

The joy swells over the pain like a crashing wave.  A gift from Him.  These two souls to meet.  All in His timing.

A message… from the third of our musketeer pack…

he has a girlfriend.  Is that ok?

This mixture of joy and pain running through her mind as well.

it’s ok.  it’s God’s timing.  He’s better at it than we are.

The joy.  The joy in this very truth.  He is better at it than we are.  Trust.

He will teach us… to catch… and… to release.

 

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, Joy, Mercy Tagged With: faith, friendship, joy, letting go, pain of loss, trusting God

September 21, 2012 by Karin 8 Comments

Stretched Wide (for five minutes this Friday)

Five minutes on this Friday…

Wide

I am frozen in this moment and wondering just how wide He will stretch me.

I have given in to doubt and He opens my eyes wide… one more time.

Again I am stretched into the uncomfortable width of a new self.

My body… has stretched wide 6 times… the new birth sprung forth from this awe-struck mama.

A new birth, every time He pulls me wider.

trust me

He repeats the words to me with arms stretched wide.  This timid soul desperate to follow.

Heart stretching wider.  The pangs of the pull grow my soul.  I drop to knees grateful for the Hands pulling my own hands wide.

I love you this much…

His arms stretched across the ages… to infinity.

W here I stop and bow to Him

I gnoring the lies that swirl around me

D epending only on Him

E verlasting love and faithfulness

 

Ephesians 3:17-18

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Community, Faith, Grace, Love, Together Tagged With: five minute friday, stretched wide in faith

September 20, 2012 by Karin 4 Comments

The eye-view from above

Airborne.

Have you ever wanted to step into someone else’s shoes?  Just for a minute to see this world through his eyes?  See what he sees.

To find the answers to questions that ripple through a mind… after a long day as mama

what takes a dear daddy from his family for too many hours?

too many days?

too much time?

The practical reasons are clear.  A living must be made.  Providing for seven more, plus self… a beautiful gift… and a precious load, all at the same time.  The honorable reasons are treasured… protection of country… of home… of us.

What if you could trade places for one day?  (I joke that his day would be tougher in the trade…)

What does he see when he is away from us?

The chance to see out… through the soul windows of another.  The eyes of the other half of my soul.

Airborne.

The steely gray bird lifts into the air, carrying all of us in her cavernous belly.

The red mesh seats folded down, oxygen packs nestled behind our heads… a reassuring pillow.

The thrill of anticipation.  This gift to a warrior’s wife.  Sliding behind a warrior’s eyes for just a short time.  Seeing what he sees.  This view from above.

Breathtaking.

I have flown many times… this is different.  The open belly, the impending mission.  Unknown to this mama of six.

I get to see what he sees.

This pilot of mine… this is why he loves it so much.

It’s odd, how peaceful, how calm the world appears from thousands of feet in the air… how slow and orderly it all seems from up there,  surpassing any possible ground speed.

The rumble of the engines, a calming tune.

Then, the words.

They are 5 minutes out.

Racing heart.

I can’t believe I get to see this!

Do this!

The windows to the sky… lying in wait.  I peer out… roads, rivers, wrapped around fields of green.  The smattering of billowy clouds break the endless blue.  Then I see them.  The jets.  The angular machines, like the beloved toys of my children… small in the distance… growing larger… towards the belly of this steel bird.

It is like a nursing mother

I had joked with my husband.  He laughed.  They call them chicks.  Following the mama.  Chicks in tow.

The boom awaits the first thirsty Falcon.  Stunned, I watch as the two merge by just one small opening.  The larger bird giving fuel to the smaller.  Hundreds of miles an hour they fly… only feet apart… then attached.  The skill of the steady hands I see… the flier, the boom operator… the dance in the sky is perfect precision.

this is what he sees

this is how the world looks to him, when he is away from us

this view ~ exhilarating

My giddy excitement at watching this… one of those moments in life, you can’t quite believe to be real.

I see why he loves this so much

I see the beauty of below

I see it more clearly from up here

To see the world as my warrior sees it… just for a little while.

My mind goes to Him… to God.

This is what He sees…

but infinitely more

The shutter clicking furiously… I do not want to miss a second of this.  I want to absorb this moment… to store it deep, for the times I wonder where he is.  I want to remember to see… what he sees.  The earth from up high, through my warrior’s eyes.

don’t forget to see with your eyes…

A friend whispers from my side… hers too, an airborne warrior.

don’t forget to see with your eyes

I lower the rabid camera… peering at the sight before me.  This time meant to live right here… now.  Be present in this moment.  His eye-view meant to be a glimpse.  A glimpse of the God-eye view.

this spectacular beauty lost in the rush on the ground

A thought… the mom-eye view… on the ground.  The spectacular beauty around me… every day.

don’t forget to see…

with your eyes.

Be present in this moment.  His glory all around.

 

Isaiah 33:17

Your eyes will see the king in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar.

Filed Under: Faith, Joy, Military, Together Tagged With: faith, life as a military wife, love of country

September 18, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Compassion comes in all sizes

September is blog month at Compassion International.

Compassion is opening my eyes… and my children’s eyes.

I never thought much about sponsorship… until I did.  It changed everything… for two children… and then for six more, and this mom.

 

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Filed Under: Compassion, Faith, Hope, Together Tagged With: compassion, sponsor a child

September 16, 2012 by Karin 4 Comments

When I see you, I see me

Don’t you sometimes feel like a broken record?

(Do kids even know what records are anymore?)

It seems like I spend most of my time saying the same thing over and over again.

be nice

stop fighting

yes, you can do this

yes, you do need help with this

no, you can not have that… do that… take that…

It’s exhausting and I wonder why they don’t just get it the first time (or the seventh).  Why won’t they just listen?  Learn from me?  Do what I ask them to do?  I, after all, have been here longer… I know more… I love them more than they know… I have their best interests at heart.  I can see the mistakes they make… and I know where these mistakes will take them.

to sadness

to frustration

to confusion

to discontent

to trouble

If they would only listen the first time.

I read something.  The thought of it wouldn’t leave my mind.  Then I began to pay attention…

Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him.  Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you.

Oswald Chambers

I began to pay attention… I found the people around me… six children!  I have been like 6 children to God… sigh.  Not one, or two, but six little children who are convinced that they know the way… bound and determined to do it their way.  Oh, boy.

I have been this.  To God.

I can do this by myself

I don’t want to do that

Why should I be nice?  Do you know what that person did?

I need (read… want) this, that, and that other thing, too

I will stop fighting when I win… I am right, you know

Humiliating is right.  I have behaved just like six young children.

I imagine my own words mirror His…

Why won’t they just listen?  Learn from Me?  Do what I ask them to do?  I, after all, have been here longer… I know more… I love them more than they know… I have their best interests at heart.  I can see the mistakes they make… and I know where these mistakes will take them.

Nothing will humble you more than seeing your own behavior embodied in a child, right in front of your eyes.

Then, a light… a child comes to me

I want to give Myrlande a gift

Is this a lot of money where she lives?

My daughter, only 9-years-old, thinks of her Compassion sister.  My heart swells.  The beauty, the joy… in the giving.  Maybe, this is something she listened to the first time.  Maybe, the opening of my eyes… have opened theirs a little bit more.

My baby, grabbing mama fingers, pulls herself up to take first steps.  Peels of laughter, squeals coming from this blue-eyed doll.  One.  Step.  At.  A.  Time.  Pure joy in her accomplishment.  This little one, knowing the strength comes from the hand that steadies her… as she ventures forward on her two feet.  Something I can learn from this little one right in front of me.

taking the Hand of strength as I venture forward on my two feet

The awareness.  Perhaps, the awareness of what you see in front of you, points back to your own ways.  The awareness is the first step in peeling just a few more scales from these eyes… revealing nuggets of wisdom.  Revealing… just one more reason to look around, just one more reason… to look Up.

John 13:14-15

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Compassion, Faith, Grace, Joy, Motherhood Tagged With: compassion, grace, like a child, mercy, what kids do

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Meet Karin

Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.

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