Karin, Author at karin madden

September 28, 2012 by Karin 8 Comments

grasping at straws (for five minutes this Friday)

Grasp

Grasping at straws. Don’t you sometimes feel like you are grasping at straws?

Grasping at straws… it is trying to find reasons to be hopeful about a bad situation… it is to make a desperate and almost certainly futile effort to save oneself. This is grasping at straws defined.

I read that it comes from an analogy of someone floating… drowning… in a river… and reaching… with desperation for the reeds growing on the river bank. Grasping for something… anything… to hold on to.

I look into my aging mother’s eyes. I see her confusion flicker. My father’s frustration. I… grasp at straws… try to bless. Grasping with desperation to save. Them. Me.

Then the voice… a whisper

I have this

you don’t have to save them… or yourself…

I have already done that.

Let the water… the water of life… let it carry all of you.

Stop grasping.

Let go.

Grasp for Him…

G o to Him for the saving

R emember that He has already finished the battle

A cknowledge that He has taken the straws and built a bridge right to Himself… for all of us

S top. Listen. He is whispering to you right now.

P raise Him that you are free… free to breathe.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

September 25, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Through the eyes of a child

I open my eyes. This new day cracked through the sky to reveal the glorious sunlight. I hear my mother, my father… they are speaking to someone outside these mud walls. I hear my mother… joyous tears. My father… with a voice… different. I have not heard this sound from him before. Hope?

I hear the animals. We have two. The bleating goats… a milk provision. My brother and sister like to walk with them. I hear the stirring of the land. This land of ours used again and again, by my father and his friends… in hopes that it will yield… something… anything to give us a meal. I hear the gathering of my friends. It is time to walk for the gathering of our water.

The night is done. I am relieved. I am afraid in the night. The darkness smothers our two room hut. The sounds of the night here pierce my skin and frighten me. I pray for morning. I pray for the sun. This morning… different. I hear the voices. I sense… this change. Joy?

I smell the waste. Our village has no good place for waste. The smell of it rises with the sun. The heat burns the odors into the air. I have always known this smell. I wish I could wash it clean. My mother runs to wake me. I smell the salt of the tears on her cheeks.

Wake up

Wake up

She whispers in my ear. I smell her warmth… the dirt driven deep into skin by years of labor. Working to keep us alive… fed… sheltered… clothed. We can not pay for school. I wish I could read. I have heard of others… a few… who have this chance. I have heard them speak of Jesus. I want to know this Jesus that they speak of.

someone has come!

someone sees us!

someone sees you!

They have come to tell my parents of a sponsor. Someone has seen me. Someone has chosen me. Someone has brought a new sound of hope to our life. Someone has brought a smell of joy to this home. Someone has seen us.

I follow my mother. To see this visitor. I see. I see the smile. The joy in my parents. I feel a hope. I have not known this hope before. I look into the eyes of our visitor. I see love. I see compassion.

C atch the ones who have fallen aside, unnoticed, alone, forgotten, afraid, hopeless

O ffer a hand, a heart, a hope

M ove the despair from the eyes… replace it with joy

P repare a new heart for a new faith… a new birth into a great Kingdom… the only Kingdom

A ccept the prompting from Him… a nudge… a beckoning to open hands… fully

S ee the person… the child… behind the suffering

S hare the love of Christ

I gnore the lies that it will not make a difference… every. one. matters. every. single. one.

O ffer a chance to learn… to leave the poverty behind

N urture a desperate soul… in desperate need… of love.

(photo credit – Compassion International)

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

September 24, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

They sat behind me. A group of pretty young women. The familiarity between them evident… a comfort level between friends… co-workers. Common souls with clinicians’ hearts, spending days… years together.

A conference. I’ve been to countless… absorbing and re-absorbing medical details, clinical jargon so familiar to me. A life before my mama life. A momentary re-awakening to hibernating areas of my brain.

These young women… seemed almost like girls to me. I smiled to myself. They looked almost familiar… a look in the rearview mirror.

I peered to the empty seat next to me. Searching. But for a moment, a tugging memory… the voice in my mind almost audible.

Girl, what do you want to do tonight?

The voice vanished. I looked back, smiled. The plans would be theirs. My friend, my school mate, my comrade in the joy and madness of clinical practice… therapy with the injured… my pretty young friend… she is gone.

Our friendship began in college, continued through years of graduate studies, carried over into the workforce… in the same hospital. We were sisters in arms. We worked, we played… our group of friends… spanned decades.

Funny, how a moment jolts a memory… in just a blink. A laugh between friends… whispers of agreement… arms of comfort. These young women. They reminded me of us.

A thought. I scrambled for my phone. The text. When was it? I had saved it. A treasure for just this moment. Searching. There!

Girl i was just texting to find out when you were having the baby and i found this congrats

she is gorgeous

ill call soon

She never did. It was the only picture of my baby that she ever saw.

Her sister would be the one to kiss my baby’s head… a kiss passed on from her auntie… this kiss given at my friend’s funeral.

I smiled, as if nudged on the arm by my invisible companion in this room.

The text was a year ago… to the day. I just wanted to remind you to look.

The last months, a struggle. My friend, disappeared into His arms.

I can’t help but hold on the last text. The last voice mails. It is odd to hear her voice… but, I listen. Just every once in a while. I miss her voice.

Pictures I have seen. Her loving husband. He fought so hard, right by her side. He loved her well. A dad filling shoes of a father and mother with grace. The pictures… a beautiful smile next to his. The face of a pretty woman peering through the lens… leaning on his shoulder. It is not the face of my friend. She does remind me of her a bit. Bright smile… the dark hair… shining eyes.

This a young mother… walking through her own loss. Raising young children without their dad.

The two smiles… a visible comfort.

It is an odd feeling… this joy… and pain… all at the same time.

Joy to see his face lit in happiness. The sorrow on that face had lingered in my mind. The prayers from my own little ones… for the comfort of this dad… traveling alone down this path of parenthood.

Pain, too. She is really gone. Something so suddenly… final. A gift as I hear another whisper…

She is with Me

Do not be afraid

The joy swells over the pain like a crashing wave. A gift from Him. These two souls to meet. All in His timing.

A message… from the third of our musketeer pack…

he has a girlfriend. Is that ok?

This mixture of joy and pain running through her mind as well.

it’s ok. it’s God’s timing. He’s better at it than we are.

The joy. The joy in this very truth. He is better at it than we are. Trust.

He will teach us… to catch… and… to release.

Psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

September 21, 2012 by Karin 8 Comments

Stretched Wide (for five minutes this Friday)

Five minutes on this Friday…

Wide

I am frozen in this moment and wondering just how wide He will stretch me.

I have given in to doubt and He opens my eyes wide… one more time.

Again I am stretched into the uncomfortable width of a new self.

My body… has stretched wide 6 times… the new birth sprung forth from this awe-struck mama.

A new birth, every time He pulls me wider.

trust me

He repeats the words to me with arms stretched wide. This timid soul desperate to follow.

Heart stretching wider. The pangs of the pull grow my soul. I drop to knees grateful for the Hands pulling my own hands wide.

I love you this much…

His arms stretched across the ages… to infinity.

W here I stop and bow to Him

I gnoring the lies that swirl around me

D epending only on Him

E verlasting love and faithfulness

Ephesians 3:17-18

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.

September 20, 2012 by Karin 4 Comments

The eye-view from above

Airborne.

Have you ever wanted to step into someone else’s shoes? Just for a minute to see this world through his eyes? See what he sees.

To find the answers to questions that ripple through a mind… after a long day as mama

what takes a dear daddy from his family for too many hours?

too many days?

too much time?

The practical reasons are clear. A living must be made. Providing for seven more, plus self… a beautiful gift… and a precious load, all at the same time. The honorable reasons are treasured… protection of country… of home… of us.

What if you could trade places for one day? (I joke that his day would be tougher in the trade…)

What does he see when he is away from us?

The chance to see out… through the soul windows of another. The eyes of the other half of my soul.

Airborne.

The steely gray bird lifts into the air, carrying all of us in her cavernous belly.

The red mesh seats folded down, oxygen packs nestled behind our heads… a reassuring pillow.

The thrill of anticipation. This gift to a warrior’s wife. Sliding behind a warrior’s eyes for just a short time. Seeing what he sees. This view from above.

Breathtaking.

I have flown many times… this is different. The open belly, the impending mission. Unknown to this mama of six.

I get to see what he sees.

This pilot of mine… this is why he loves it so much.

It’s odd, how peaceful, how calm the world appears from thousands of feet in the air… how slow and orderly it all seems from up there, surpassing any possible ground speed.

The rumble of the engines, a calming tune.

Then, the words.

They are 5 minutes out.

Racing heart.

I can’t believe I get to see this!

Do this!

The windows to the sky… lying in wait. I peer out… roads, rivers, wrapped around fields of green. The smattering of billowy clouds break the endless blue. Then I see them. The jets. The angular machines, like the beloved toys of my children… small in the distance… growing larger… towards the belly of this steel bird.

It is like a nursing mother

I had joked with my husband. He laughed. They call them chicks. Following the mama. Chicks in tow.

The boom awaits the first thirsty Falcon. Stunned, I watch as the two merge by just one small opening. The larger bird giving fuel to the smaller. Hundreds of miles an hour they fly… only feet apart… then attached. The skill of the steady hands I see… the flier, the boom operator… the dance in the sky is perfect precision.

this is what he sees

this is how the world looks to him, when he is away from us

this view ~ exhilarating

My giddy excitement at watching this… one of those moments in life, you can’t quite believe to be real.

I see why he loves this so much

I see the beauty of below

I see it more clearly from up here

To see the world as my warrior sees it… just for a little while.

My mind goes to Him… to God.

This is what He sees…

but infinitely more

The shutter clicking furiously… I do not want to miss a second of this. I want to absorb this moment… to store it deep, for the times I wonder where he is. I want to remember to see… what he sees. The earth from up high, through my warrior’s eyes.

don’t forget to see with your eyes…

A friend whispers from my side… hers too, an airborne warrior.

don’t forget to see with your eyes

I lower the rabid camera… peering at the sight before me. This time meant to live right here… now. Be present in this moment. His eye-view meant to be a glimpse. A glimpse of the God-eye view.

this spectacular beauty lost in the rush on the ground

A thought… the mom-eye view… on the ground. The spectacular beauty around me… every day.

don’t forget to see…

with your eyes.

Be present in this moment. His glory all around.

Isaiah 33:17

Your eyes will see the king in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar.

grasping at straws (for five minutes this Friday)

Through the eyes of a child

Catch and Release ~ when it’s time to let go

Stretched Wide (for five minutes this Friday)

The eye-view from above

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