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October 2, 2014 by Karin 2 Comments

That One Mistake We Make

 

Walking the path

Stories get me every time. I could listen over and over again. The thing about living in a place where darkness seeps into corners and engulfs lives before our very eyes is this – the light shines brighter in the darkness.

I listened to my beautiful friends share their stories of darkness and destruction. I listened as they revealed how the Light changed them – how He changed them.
Stories. The real ones. This world desperately needs our stories. This is for you – the one with a story. We need to hear it.

And we all have a story…

Rock climbers

I know what you’re thinking.
Maybe not right this minute. But I know you thought it this morning, or maybe last night. And probably a few times last week.

I know you.
Because I know me.
And in a certain light we all look the same.

We’re not cut out for this.  Whatever this is – today.
We don’t measure up.
We can’t hack it.
It’s too much.
We are not enough.

I know you’ve thought it. Because I have. We aren’t so different – you and I.
I know the other thought, too.
The one telling us – we know better. We are better.
We don’t need a thing, because we’ve got this. All. On. Our. Own.
I’m not sure which one is worse.
Not enough? Or too much?
Either way.
We’re both wrong.

Do you know someone needs to hear you?
Do you know someone needs to know your story?
Do you know someone is waiting for you to know – you are enough?

Our stories weave and collide, and somewhere along the way we bought the lie that it doesn’t matter.
The lie that someone else can tell it much better than you, or I, can.
Or worse, the lie that no one wants to hear it.

We waste our stories.
We wrap them into air-tight containers, shove them in the dark corner, and name them Unimportant.
We waste the pain, the joy, the suffering, the victory, the horror, and the delight.
We waste all the tears shed in glorious happiness… and heart shredding sorrow.
We waste it all – when we don’t tell our stories.
We waste it all when we tuck ourselves into the file labeled Irrelevant.

Nothing is irrelevant. Nothing. And no one.
Every breath from our lungs has a purpose – no matter how minute.
You have a mighty purpose on this earth.
You know that, don’t you?

Remember the soul you passed in the store the other day?
And the one at the red light?
Or the one who lives right down the street, but you throw a wave into the air and move on?
Remember that one guy at work or the young mom with the tired eyes?
The are just like us.
They are thinking the same thing.
I am not enough.

Here’s the truth.
We. Are. More. Than. Enough.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You and I are not a mistake – and neither are our stories.

There is one mistake.
The one we make when we keep our hearts and our stories to ourselves.

We hear it all too much.  All the ways we should be something different.  Somehow different.  Someone different.
Younger. Older. Thinner. Prettier. Smarter. Quicker. All the ways we should be more put together.
And we get tired. We stop trying. We avert our eyes and go on our way. Because surely no one needs anything from our less-than-enough selves.
And we get it all wrong.

Love spoke life.
And Love spoke you.
Love expects something in return.
Love leans into the wind and releases the truth – we are more than enough.
We are necessary.
This story can’t go on without us.

You are enough right where you are.
Keep going.
Tell your story.
This world needs to hear it.
You have a purpose.
Go find it. And do it.
Love has been spoken.
Let’s pass it on…

 

Psalm 119:87-89

They almost wiped me from the earth, but I have not forsaken your precepts. In your unfailing love preserve my life, that I may obey the statutes of your mouth. Your word, Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.

Karin Madden

Filed Under: A Day in the Life, Faith, Walking The Path Tagged With: that mistake, you are enough

March 13, 2014 by Karin 6 Comments

When You Are Tired Of Feeling Guilty

I only glanced into her eyes.

I wanted to get my eyes onto the new life she carried with her.

Sleeping soundly. That whole sleeping like a baby thing. The seasoned pros know what the novices learn quickly – sleeping like a baby is not sleeping at all. It’s a brief peace interrupted by the restless squirm of an empty tummy or a full diaper. Sleeping like a baby might as well be called sleepless in (name your city).

Light of the Moon

I hugged my friend’s neck as they made their way through the gauntlet of our home. Passing carefully booby-trapped areas of trains, dolls, cars, and random kid items lead to the safe haven of the back room. The den. I can manage to keep one safe zone at a time. This one place where foot injury by Lego is least likely. Only one zone at a time. Someday… someday we’ll be able to tread freely in our four walls. Truth? I dread that day.

I finally looked into her sweet mama eyes and saw this glimmer of a look that triggered a foggy memory. I knew that look. Almost like looking into a distant mirror. Funny how in a certain light we all look the same…

How are you? How has it been going?

She smiled and we exchanged the pleasantries. The joys of motherhood and the blessing of babies. The sweet smells of the miracle of newborn life. The beginning curve of the lips when we realize the smile looking into our eyes has nothing to do with gas. We ooh-ed and aah-ed at the precious pink package who lay soundly sleeping in her car seat.

How are you… really?

That familiar strain of her eyes caught my heart. Those memories of sleepless wonder and delirium woke the newborn mama corner of my mind.

Oh, I remember like it was yesterday. It’s hard, isn’t it? Brutal to be so tired.

She nodded and smiled,

It was a rough day yesterday. I’m just not myself. I’m just so tired.

I nodded and saw that familiar beast prowling around us,

Yea, and you feel guilty. Because you want to enjoy this more. But you can’t because you are just too exhausted.

Her eyes filled.

Mine filled in unison with my dear friend. Oh, this lie. It enrages me. This pure joy and mighty miracle of new life is snuffed with the tale that we should relish every minute. Capture every moment in gratitude. Hold every hallowed waking moment in the shrine of our thankful mother hearts. But, the truth? We are awake every waking moment. And it’s brutal. Our soldiers and warriors are trained to withstand the torture of crying babies. It is a form of torture – this listening to tender new life… cry.

Baby Hands

I looked into my sweet friend’s mother eyes,

You know, I remember after my fourth baby was born. My mother-in-law came to visit. She gave birth to and raised nine children. I told her I wanted so badly to enjoy this, but I was dying from exhaustion. What was wrong with me?

Her eyes fixed on mine and I went on,

She told me, “Oh, Karin, you want to survive this part. You’ll enjoy it soon.”

That was it. Off the hook. Guilt got a one-way ticket out.

My friend and I smiled as the relief released us both. Sometimes we have to hear it again. Sometimes we have to know the truth over and over again. Gratitude and joy can exist right in the middle of the blues – they might just appear cloudy for a while. And it’s all ok. Guilt is the lie. Guilt snarls,

You aren’t grateful enough. You don’t deserve this gift. You aren’t cut out for this. You are not enough.

And it’s a lie. You are enough.

You are enough when the new life enters this world.

You are enough when the toddlers scream and shriek and drive to you to madness – and your fifth cup of coffee.

You are enough when the attitudes grow in these young growing bodies – and you wish, for a second, they were little again.

You are enough when they grow up and grow out – and you wonder why you ever begrudged a moment of time with them.

You are enough – if you have never birthed life to another soul and you wonder why.

You are enough.  

You are enough in the middle of the messes, the mayhem, the fear, and the failures.

You are enough.  Because He is enough. 

And He hasn’t left us alone.  He’s walking us through the season.

Walk With Me

The guilt – it entangles us and we trudge along under its weight doing and trying. Doing and trying and plodding along with one good hand, while the other slowly goes to our throats and squeezes. Choking the love of life right out of us.

We are free. Free to bring our hands down from the self-choke hold. Free to breathe and behold the gifts in front of us – even in the weary moments. The guilt is a lie – the joy is real. Even under the fog of survival.

Baby Reading

The little one in the car seat began to stir. We crowded around as the new eyes flickered. She stretched her little arms toward the heavens as her baby blues opened.

These tiny arms opening up – to joy, to life – to the grateful gaze of her mother.

 

Hebrews 10:22-23

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Karin Madden

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Filed Under: A Day in the Life, Faith, Friendship, Joy, Motherhood Tagged With: Mama of a newborn, sleepless nights, you are enough

Meet Karin

Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.

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