I suppose I can be tough.  Tough in the sense that I can bear the weight of a military marriage and the weight of mama-hood.

Tough seems like a rugged, almost steely term.  Makes me sound like I am a pioneer woman or something.

I actually did refer to myself as a pioneer woman the day I came home from the hospital with my 6th baby and my husband returned to work the following morning to prepare his squadron for the impending deployment 2 weeks later.

Impending sounds a bit like doom.  It felt like a bit like doom as my brood of 5 little ones ran around me while I sat very, very still in my chair holding my newborn.  I felt like a pioneer woman, sent back into the fields.  Tough sounds pretty rugged.  Strong might be a better word.  The truth is, if I have any strength, it comes straight from Him.  It’s not my own.

Tough, perhaps.  Strong, maybe.  But, brave?  Now, that I am… not.

I am not a risk taker.  Not really.

You know, the kinds of risks that brave people take, like jumping out of airplanes, flying fighters, hiking to the top of Everest, or scuba diving to murky depths. Or roller coasters.  I am actually kind of a wimp in those terms.

If you define brave as someone who vomits endlessly during pregnancy and then decides it might be a good idea to try that again… and again… six times, then I am brave.

But, not really.  I am just a tad bit like Nemo’s dad as I recall the wisdom of bugged-eyed Dory…

I promised I’d never let anything happen to him… (Marlin)

Hmm, that’ s funny thing to promise. (Dory)

What? (Marlin)

Well you can’t never let anything happen to him.  Then nothing would ever happen to him.  Not much fun for little Harpo. (Dory)

You know, when a part of you is driven by fear… or worry.

This is not the best way to live in freedom.  Fear is just all wrong.  But, it is mighty difficult to escape.

Until you are forced out of your big, comfy chair… or house… or life.

Fighting fear, worry, and uncertainty, I keep asking Him for the answer.  Then, a thought…

Be spontaneous.

Spontaneity is more difficult than it seems when you are loading a car full of kids, cups, diapers, and all things pertaining to road trip survival.

I don’t mean the kind of knee-jerk reaction that is foolish or inconsiderate of others.

I mean that whisper of an idea, the fleeting thought that makes a u-turn and tickles your thoughts again.

I mean the dreams that nudge, the hopes that tug, but you brush them aside and think…

nah, maybe later.

Not now.

That couldn’t possibly work.  Could it?

Living is something I have wanted to do with my family for quite some time now.  Living.  Not surviving.

We all go through the survival stage with growing babies, but living has been placed in the closet on the top shelf.  Just behind the box of fear and worry.

It’s time to rip off the band aid.

It’s time to open the top of the box and let it all go.

Unwrapping that carefully packaged box, I am finding treasures that had been foolishly stored away.

Treasures slowly unfolding from the dusty wrappings.

Moving from the comfortable, the regular, the staid and worn spot is showing me something…

Leaving the comfort can be lonely, but it can make you brave.

Letting go of the regular can breathe new life where you thought fresh air had been suffocated.

Moving from the worn place can open your ears to the still, small Voice.

This new place.  I don’t know where it will take me.  I don’t know what it holds for my family.  I don’t know what adventures lie before us.

I do know that I hear Him.  He whispers in the stillness.

The gentle tug I had grown accustomed to dismissing, to reasoning away, to (forgive me) ignoring has become more of a shove.

A shove to be bold.  Brave.

Wonder where it will take us?

Have you felt that shove?  Do you want to be brave?

I do.

Now that I have etched it in ink… I guess I’ll have to.

Where do you need a boost of brave?

We can hold each other to it…

 

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”