Love Archives - Page 8 of 8

August 23, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

A Question Before Dying

We slid in quietly. Sat in the back, my husband and I.

The somber, familiar feeling overwhelmed as we gathered to bid farewell to a friend.

A husband, a father, a son, a brother. A friend to hundreds… thousands… as was evident in the gathering.

The ceremony a comforting ritual… heartfelt words… godly wisdom.

I couldn’t stop thinking of his family.

A beautiful wife, two sons on the edge of childhood… entering manhood, a little girl… the same age as my young daughter.

His parents, his siblings, his friends… his brothers-in-arms… a collective body ~ praying. Prayers of thanksgiving for the man he was… thanksgiving for the servant he was… thanksgiving for the love he shared with so many.

A warrior, like my own… a fighter pilot, like my own, sharing the bond of sacrifice.

The rows of people, dark-clad, muffled tears.

Then the sobs of a child

a little girl

wanting her daddy back… here

The priest spoke of love. He spoke of Christ’s love. He spoke of our friend’s devotion to his Lord.

Do you know what was most on his mind before he passed into the arms of His savior? A question.

He knew God would watch over his family, he knew they would be reunited in the paradise we await. He knew it was all just a matter of time.

His thought ~ the question he asked the godly counselor…

Have I served God well?

It was the question he repeated in the week before his passing.

The priest spoke of Romans 6… he asked us to read it in honor of our friend.

I did.

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

I poured over the words… drinking them in with the hope that they would finally and completely take hold.

The life I live, I live to God

The question is one that is swelling in my mind… squeezing thoughts of self out of the way. I want the question to take hold… I want the question to be the first question in the gift of a new morning… a new sunrise with my six pack… I want the question to be the last thought my conscious mind holds… trusting Him to take care of all of it ~ of all of us.

Have I served God well?

Am I serving God well?

Will I serve God well?

That we would all embrace this thought… do we serve God well?

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

August 21, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Seeing the Fruit

We must have gotten something right.

We must have figured something out in this parenting thing.

I had a moment that made this mama’s heart burst… and ache just a bit… all at the same time.

A week of sleep-overs for my 9-year-old daughter. She was thrilled to have multiple invitations in one week and her beautiful, beaming face shone as she skipped off with her dear friends.

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Then, the next day…

Mama, I stayed up ’til 2:30 in the morning!

She proudly announced this… certain that this would be a sure-fire sling shot toward adulthood. (I’ve told her to enjoy the kid thing… such beauty and simplicity in that childhood place… to live a life backwards would be something…)

And I’m not even tired!

Yet.

The day rolls along… children mingling throughout the house… toys strewn… games played… battles fought. A weekend day. A daddy day. The best kind. Then, the golden carriage of our home ~ turns to a pumpkin. Just. Like. That. Poof.

This completely exhausted child… melts.

Why didn’t I get her to bed earlier?

I chastise myself (the mama-blame).

I knew this was going to happen…

She needs rest… sleep… peace… quiet

All the little ones are shuffled into their nests for the night… and my beautiful girl… the one who is contagiously cheerful, unquestioningly helpful… my little one with a servant’s heart. She falls apart… completely. This little one can withstand many things in this house full of children, siblings, and all things messy… but, sleep deprivation is not one of them (don’t know where she got this trait? Sigh)

I wrap around this sobbing child, trying to soothe her, calm her, lull her into the dreamland. No luck. Daddy steps in… more calming, soothing. Nope. Patience wearing thin.

I can’t just let her cry…

Besides, she’ll wake the little ones. Not an option.

Finally, I bring her into our room. I hold her and sing to her… memories of a smaller version of this very face peek through the darkness.

I’m sorry, mama

I just can’t stop…

I know this feeling. We women know this feeling. That cry that overflows from the depth of all things contained… all things that have been carefully shoved and packed into a deeper place, in the hopes that they will simply dissipate. We so often want it to all wash away… without actually doing the washing.

My daughter did the washing. She flowed with every frustration, fear, and feeling… for an hour.

Now, she should be all better.

Ah, not so much.

You’ve got to be kidding me!?

This mom… at a loss. Then, she asked it…

Can I go in and see them?

Our little ones have a nightly game of musical beds. The ultimate treat? Sharing a room with the big brother.

Can I go in and say good night again?

He always calms me down.

There it is. The fruit of intentional relationships. The gift of spending our days, our lives, our everything… intentionally together. (We do have time apart… reference mom wanting to run).

Sure, go say good night.

She enters the room. Two reading young ones lift weary eyes from bed-time books.

Are you ok?

The concern on their young faces… these faces that during the day sometimes long to aggravate one another.

I just wanted to say good night.

A little sister, only 7-years-old, climbs out of bed and wraps arms of love around big sister. This little one lifts her sister from the ground in embrace. Lifts her taller, bigger sister off of her feet.

A thought enters my mind.

He does that… He lifts us off of our own feet. Picks up our burdens and carries them. Lifts us in love… and squeezes.

Three young siblings gather on the bed. Sharing stories, words, comfort between siblings beyond the frequency of mama’s understanding.

You always calm me down.

What? Big brother demands. My red-eyed, sleepy girl repeats it.

Oh! I thought you said “You always call me dumb.”

Peels of laughter.

The pumpkin… a golden carriage again.

My heart fills with joy at the connection of these young hearts before me. For a moment, I ache… but, for a flash, I think…

You didn’t need mama this time

I can see it. The growing of this garden is meant to teach them to relate to each other… not just to me. To lean into each other. To find comfort in family. In the family of their home. In the family of Christ.

Philippians 2:2

then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

August 19, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

Clay in the Potter’s Hands

You know the feeling that you get when you think that you are going in the right direction?

That feeling that everything is falling into place and there can be no doubt that you are moving forward.

Everything is moving along beautifully. Then. It. Stops.

What happened?

I was so sure…

Is this not the way?

This comes in motherhood, marriage, friendship, relationships, callings, and especially in… faith.

I thought I had it figured out…

at least I thought I was on the way to figuring it out.

Not so much. A big fat, red STOP SIGN. There it is. You are at a stand-still and you don’t know which way to go…

Am I moving in the right direction?

Did I mess up?

I just don’t get it…

When this happens… it’s frustrating and confusing… just when you think you can fit God and His plans into a neat, tidy package. Sigh.

Once upon a time… I would have ignored the thoughts, the promptings… I would have carried on under my own will, my own ideas. I can do this.

One step closer. This time… I drop to my knees… and pray. Hard. The kind of prayer that sounds like a sniffling, weepy, incoherent child.

I don’t get it!

Where did I mess up?

Please show me.

You know what? He does ~ He shows me. Again. Every time. In His time. But, He always listens and He always gives wisdom… when we mean it. When we really want it ~ no matter the cost to our fragile egos.

The flailing soul in the quick sand learns to… hold still. Pray.

The quick sand stops its hungry pull downward… when we just stop fighting it. He is right there. Waiting for us to… hold still.

It’s on my knees, in utter silence (which is pretty difficult to come by around here)… it’s here, that He answers.

The funny thing, the way He always blows my mind… He answers in a way that is the direct opposite of what I expected. And this direct opposite way is the perfect answer to my prayers. Amazing. Every time.

I read something this morning…

Discouragement is disenchanted self-love, and self-love may be love of my devotion to Jesus.

~ Oswald Chambers

Oh, to think that my love for Christ would be over-shadowed by my love for my own devotion to Him… not His love for me. His will, not mine.

These earnest prayers, like a babbling child… they are the ones He answers. A disciplining by the Father to His child… keep it real. Allowing the Spirit to keep me in check.

That I would become clay, softened in the hands of the Potter.

James 1:4-5

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

August 16, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

21 days

I made it for 21 days.

I couldn’t even survive for a whole month.

$1.25

That’s it. Not one penny more.

Did you know that 1.3 BILLION people in the world live in extreme poverty? That’s the kind of number I can’t wrap my brain around. So, I look at it like this…

26 % of the entire population of the world…

one-fourth of our planet’s people are dirt poor.

They live off less than $1.25 a day ~ every day.

Why did I never think about them before?

What was I busy doing?

What was I busy buying?

Eating?

Playing?

I just played a game. An interesting, interactive online game. Survive 125. I read about a woman, Divya Patel, in India. She has 4 children. She… and her four babies… survive on $1.25 a day. Every day.

I clicked Start Game… and I pretended… for just a moment… to be Divya. The difference is…

I can eat, I can drink, I can sleep, I can read, I can write, I can provide for my children, I am safe, I am warm, I am dry…

I am on a compter… playing a game.

Divya is surviving ~ I pray ~ on $1.25 a day.

I only made it until day 21. Then, my money ran out. The game ended.

What happens when the real money runs out? How does the reality end?

I read the stunning facts. The haunting decisions that people in extreme poverty face every day.

Will I be able to pay for public school for my children? I can’t teach them at home… because I can’t read

800 million people in the world are illiterate. Two-thirds of these individuals are women. I have two degrees… and hundreds of millions of people can’t read or write. Have you ever thought about what you couldn’t do if you couldn’t read or write? I just did. I couldn’t do this.

Will I be able to provide my children with clean water? With medications? With food?

Every 6 seconds a child dies of hunger. My eyes burn tears and my throat begins to close.

What did I throw in the trash after dinner tonight?

How many babies died while I cleaned my kitchen?

I am overcome. What have I been doing? Why didn’t I see?

I see now.

My eyes are wide open.

I throw my voice into the noise and utter a plea for the ones who can’t read or write… the ones who have never seen a computer… the ones who are barely surviving on $1.25 a day… every day.

I only made it 21 days.

58: Alliance is a global initiative to end extreme poverty by living out Isaiah 58. Compassion is part of the 58: Alliance. Sponsoring a child living in conditions of extreme poverty… being a sponsor provides a child with an opportunity to receive an education… to read and to write. Sponsoring a child gives a child the opportunity to be healthy, through health monitoring, personal health and hygiene education, and provision of supplementary food when necessary. Sponsoring a child gives the child a chance to participate in a local church-based program. The child you sponsor will learn about Jesus!

For $38 per month, a child shackled by poverty… begins to break free ~ for the price of a new Wii game for my kids.

The compassion grows in my own little ones, who have been blessed with comfort. I share what I have learned ~ their hearts long to share their own comfort…

take some of mine… share it with them…

Compassion.

What if my name were Divya Patel? How long would I survive?

How long would you survive on $1.25 per day? Try Survive 125. Can you make it past 21 days?

Isaiah 58:7-9

Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

August 9, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

Wake Up

I just woke up.

It actually happened a few weeks ago… maybe months. But, not long ago.

There is a period of time when a mother is pregnant, having a baby, recovering from having a baby, recovering from lack of sleep from having a baby (I’m not so sure we ever recover from that)… there is a period of time, when mama is sleep-walking.

I’ve done this sleep-walking routine six times. Back to back. So, I’ve been pretty much asleep with my eyes open for eleven years.

I just woke up.

I woke up thankful. I am thankful beyond mere words for my six gifts.

I woke up searching. Where is the path I am to follow? Motherhood is clearly the paved road before me… I suppose the question is, how do I walk this road… and walk it well?

I woke up on fire. (No, not literally, my kids are really sweethearts ~ most of the time)

I woke up burning with a desire to do something. I woke up to a world in desperate need, children in desperate need, lost souls in desperate need… of a savior. I opened my eyes and saw the need to throw my heart into the mess, my words onto the paper (screen), my voice into the noise… to share what I know to be the truth ~ the Savior has already been here. He is still here. He’s not leaving without us… if we let Him.

Waking up to breakfast and coffee, after a solid ten-hour slumber (now, I’m dreaming), would have been easier… but, I woke up to His prompting. Easy really is not easy. It is empty… when it comes to the soul. Perseverance is the road to be travelled. Hope is the fuel. Love is the engine. The Kingdom is the purpose. It is the “why” for all of this.

I woke up to Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and the list goes on… Some catching up for the woman who, as a kid, learned how to use an Apple computer in the classroom… once a week… and it required ridiculous amounts of letters and codes and lines of jumble… just to spell… “dog.” I have some catching up to do, with my eyes wide open… for His purposes.

I woke up loving the adventure even more… learning to trust Him… even more.

Good morning…

Romans 13:11

And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.

A Question Before Dying

Seeing the Fruit

Clay in the Potter’s Hands

21 days

Wake Up

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