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September 3, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

The Greatest Treasure Found…in the Packing Up of a Life

We walked into the room.  My friend and I.

A lifetime of stuff piled in front of our eyes.

We were here as an offering…

His hands… His feet

A timid offering in the very middle of this field of grief.

We came in service…

to honor a woman I had never known

to help a man… a friend to my warrior… a man I had just met

to serve a God my eyes have never seen

My friend and I, we stopped… breath gripped in our throats, hearts heavy… we prayed.

Help us to be like You

We looked at each other, having just wrapped arms around little ones… little ones who face this earth with a brave daddy… while a mama prepares a home in heaven.

this is hard

please guard our hearts… keep us focused… pour Your water through us

We went to task.  A mama’s work.  Sorting, cleaning, organizing, boxing, moving, trashing, saving…

The saving

She, a mama like us, saving her treasures.  Baby blankets, toddler shoes, tooth fairy secrets, photos, cards… the treasures we mamas save… the things we can’t bear to part with… fearing that parting with the things means parting with time.  This time… now.  Parting with the time of our little ones’ youth… the precious baby years… the years that our young ones run, love uninhibited, arms wide-open… to mama.

He guarded our hearts for a time.  Through hours, He pointed us to our work.

Then a memento… a smiling photograph… a joy-filled time… peeked through the piles.

It could be mine

The clothing, left on hangers, the gear of her warrior husband, the children’s clothes… in all imaginable sizes.  She, a warrior’s wife… a mother of six…

it could be my house

my stuff

my memories

These things we all love to save.  We packed her things… these memories we long to hold… into boxes.  The treasures left behind, we tucked away, to ease a heart-break at their mere sight.

I save all the same things.  I don’t know why really.  Perhaps a “pack rat” tendency inherited from parents who lost everything while a world was at war?  Life as a warrior’s wife requires the thinning of things… but, I save nonetheless.

I save every memory I can

in the hopes that I will somehow be able to come back

Come back to the same place in my mind… the place I am joyful, the place I love so much… this place of motherhood.

I save for my own.  The treasures I hope may trigger a childhood memory… tucked far beneath… only to be brought into the light… by one small trinket.

I sat on her floor… sifting through her prizes of motherhood.  I prayed for her children… for her husband.  I prayed that the memories never travel too far from their young minds… until they can see her loving mother eyes again.

I held her things… and felt my own mortality… I held it in my hands.

These things.  They do matter.  What I saw in this sifting and packing up a life…

The things stay here… the memories that they trigger are the treasure

The greatest treasure she left them?  The thing I have seen most of all… in their young eyes…

She taught them about Him.  She surrounded them with Him.  They know where mama is… where she waits for them… they know she waits with Him…

this is her greatest treasure

 

2 Corinthians 4:6-7

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, Joy, Military, Motherhood Tagged With: faith, friendship, joy, military, motherhood

August 31, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

girlfriends

Girlfriends.

What would we do without them?

Before I was married, I would sit with my closest girlfriends and talk endlessly about our dreams… our thoughts of the future.  What would our husbands be like, how many kids would we have, where would our careers go…?

Girlfriends are the place we can talk about our wildest dreams, our deepest insecurities, our darkest fears, our mortifying moments, our ugliest secrets… real girlfriends.  We count ourselves blessed to have one good one in this life.  Girlfriends… they are the joy-sharers, hug-givers, laugh-til-you-cry partners… they pick you up when your legs buckle beneath you.

They are the place our heavy hearts… our weary minds… our tired spirits ~ can be washed clean… with laughter and tears.

I used to think, before I was married, that as soon as my wonderful husband whisked me away to the beautiful life of wife and mama… my girlfriends would be a need in the rearview mirror.  I would love them no less… just that I would need them no more.  I don’t know why I dismissed the importance of these very friendships that fill a special place that only other women can fill in the heart of a woman.

I didn’t grow up with sisters.  God, infinitely wise and giving, gave me four daughters instead.  In my younger years, my girlfriends were my sisters.

Only as I get older do I understand and appreciate what that means.

I see now.  

Of course, life as a wife to my warrior and mama to my six pack is beyond blessing…

The thing is ~ it is the blessing of these sisters that keeps me sane.

Those times when my last nerve is a bungee cord for my little ones… when no girlfriend can be found to smother the burning temper inside… I have muttered to my husband…

You’re going to have to be my girlfriend for a minute

Eyes wide, his brow breaks a sweat

oh no

He has grown to appreciate the gift of mama’s girlfriends… almost as much as I have.

The voice of a dear sister on the line

can you have a glass of wine tonight?

This wise husband of hers placed the phone in her hand…

call her

(I am pretty sure he was praying that his wife’s girlfriend would jump at the chance…)

We need each other.  Our men know this.

The times when I was solitary… a new person, in a new place, with new babies… these were the times I realized what these sisters really mean.

When I opened my eyes to God, when I realized His love, when I finally began to pay attention… that’s when I prayed.  I prayed for sisters.  God-given girlfriends.  These kindred sister souls… bearing the burdens, sharing this walk, keeping it real… offering wine and chocolate, just when we need it the most.

A prayer for my daughters… and my sons (because they need these kindred souls ~ just as much)…

a prayer for one good friend in this life (or a good handful) whose focus points up…

 

1 John 4:11

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 

 

 

Filed Under: Friendship, Joy, Love, Together Tagged With: girlfriends, joy, love

August 30, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

How to Live Your Life Backwards

I’m standing at the end of the long road.

The road with twists and turns.  There were potholes along the way.  At times the road was straight… unremarkable.  There were hills… they sloped upwards to steep mountains.  Then, the road down… the exhilarating rush down… the side views but a blur.  This road well-travelled.

I’m standing at the end of this road.

He puts His hands on my shoulders and turns me gently around,

Look back

What do you see?

What if, when we get to the end of this life’s road… what if God asks us to turn around?  Turn around and look at it.

What would you do differently?

Would you give thanks for the potholes… because when you climbed out, you appreciated the flat road?  Would you work harder to climb the hills, knowing that the mountains they might become… would burn?  Would you slow down on the downhill glide… and pay attention to what was standing on the side of the road?

I’ve been thinking about this…

What if I could live my life backwards?

What if I could turn around at the end… change it… do it differently?

What would I do differently?

If I stood at the end of the road and looked back… what would I do differently?

  1. Call my mom more
  2. Run to the door and hug my husband every time he comes home
  3. Turn off the TV
  4. And the computer
  5. Play dolls and dress up with my little girls… regularly
  6. Play Legos… like I am 10 years old, and trains… like I am 5
  7. Go running… alone
  8. Take a walk… with my whole six pack
  9. Clean less
  10. Get a Facebook account… just to see what my brother is up to these days
  11. Tell more people how awesome Jesus is, no matter how awkward I feel… because He is… and it matters that much
  12. Rock my baby… just a little bit longer
  13. Stay in touch with old friends… better
  14. Buy less for Christmas… give more to those who can’t
  15. Show my kids that giving is WAY better than receiving
  16. Sponsor more children
  17. Write more letters… on real paper, with real pens
  18. Say “in just a second…” and mean “in just a second…”
  19. Go on more dates with my warrior
  20. Take my kids on a date… one. by. one.
  21. Pray more… on my knees
  22. Read the Bible… every single day… with my kids
  23. Assume less… ask more
  24. Forgive… just forgive
  25. Say “sorry” … and mean it
  26. Accept “sorry” … and let it go
  27. Ride a bike, with my little ones, while they are little
  28. Spend more time at the beach
  29. Play outside… instead of watching them through the window
  30. Play board games… every time they ask
  31. Have desert for dinner… on Fridays.  Because it’s Friday.
  32. Give thanks to Him… without ceasing
  33. Say I Love You… every chance I get
  34. Let my kids know that I don’t have all the answers… God does.
  35. Thank Him… that I can look back and still have time to do all this

What would you do differently?

If you are reading this…

you can.

 

Philippians 3:12-13

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

 

Filed Under: Compassion, Faith, Friendship, Love, Motherhood Tagged With: compassion, faith, friendship, love, motherhood

August 29, 2012 by Karin 2 Comments

When You Find Yourself on the Sidelines…or in the field…of Grief

Seasons of grief.

Doesn’t it seem like there are seasons in life filled with grief?  One story follows another, and we wonder…

how much more?

The grief is not always right at our doorstep…

sometimes it is only a few steps away…

sometimes we are bystanders ~ standing on the sidelines of pain

sometimes our feet cross the line… we are on the field… the sorrow is ours to share.

My season began in March.  She was one of my closest… one of a small handful… she knew the one I had been before… and the one I am now.

You know, the kind of friend who remembers who you were before you took on the titles of Mrs. and Mama.

I remember who she was then, too, before she became Mrs. and Mama.

I crossed the line onto the field of grief.  I didn’t pay much attention to the ones on the sidelines.  I knew they were there.  Praying.  My warrior, my babies, my friends…  It brought comfort.  The prayers eased the weight on this heart.

I remember the day she called me… filled with tears… fears.  They didn’t know how far the cancer had spread yet.  In hindsight, they had it all wrong anyway.  Three years she lived that life… she didn’t want to be defined by that word.

She grew in her faith.  I suppose she could have turned the other way…

I thank Him every day that she turned to Him ~ not away.

All the conversations we had once upon a time… they all turned to Him now.  By His grace ~ her faith grew… until she went home to Him in March.

Another…

A warrior friend.  We would receive words from him while he battled for life.  The amazing words from him were filled with hope, love, praises for God’s goodness.  While his body faltered… fell to the disease… his faith grew.  His spiritual strength he poured into the words he shared.  His one question… left as a reminder to us, still here…

have I served God well?

We were but spectators of family grief.  Offering what we had.  Prayer.  Presence.

Again…

A godly woman.  Wife to a God-serving, country-serving man.  Mother to a six pack of her own.  The story itself brings Job to mind.  The burdens just too much for one man to bear.  A loving wife passing into the arms of a Savior, six small children ~ a little one suffering illness herself, a loving father taking on everything he can hold… struggling to reach the top of the water… just to breathe.

The grief, the sorrow, the struggle ~ observed from the sidelines.

That’s just when it is time.  Time to step across into the grief.  That place we don’t want to be.  That season we fear.

Grief taken on… to shoulder the burden together.

If He had wanted us to be islands… He would have made us islands…

Wise words from this man, who by God’s mercy, has not crumbled under his sorrow.

I think of this season.  Puzzled by a flicker of joy.  The chance to provide help… blessed to be a blessing.

The joy perhaps a sense of His arms wrapping around?  Him using us to show His presence… His love… His yoking with us in this walk.

The thing about grief… no matter how far you find yourself from the line ~ whether caught on the field in a blur of pain, or on the sidelines, observing the swell of sorrow ~ the thing is… we are all in this.  We are not islands.

We are meant…

to be present for each other…

to provide for each other…

to pray for each other.

 

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Friendship, Hope, Love, Military, Together Tagged With: friendship, hope, love, military, sharing burden

August 23, 2012 by Karin Leave a Comment

A Question Before Dying

We slid in quietly.  Sat in the back, my husband and I.

The somber, familiar feeling overwhelmed as we gathered to bid farewell to a friend.

A husband, a father, a son, a brother.  A friend to hundreds… thousands… as was evident in the gathering.

The ceremony a comforting ritual… heartfelt words… godly wisdom.

I couldn’t stop thinking of his family.

A beautiful wife, two sons on the edge of childhood… entering manhood, a little girl… the same age as my young daughter.

His parents, his siblings, his friends… his brothers-in-arms… a collective body ~ praying.  Prayers of thanksgiving for the man he was… thanksgiving for the servant he was… thanksgiving for the love he shared with so many.

A warrior, like my own… a fighter pilot, like my own, sharing the bond of sacrifice.

The rows of people, dark-clad, muffled tears.

Then the sobs of a child

a little girl

wanting her daddy back… here

The priest spoke of love.  He spoke of Christ’s love.  He spoke of our friend’s devotion to his Lord.

Do you know what was most on his mind before he passed into the arms of His savior?  A question.

He knew God would watch over his family, he knew they would be reunited in the paradise we await.  He knew it was all just a matter of time.

His thought ~ the question he asked the godly counselor…

Have I served God well?

It was the question he repeated in the week before his passing.

The priest spoke of Romans 6… he asked us to read it in honor of our friend.

I did.

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

I poured over the words… drinking them in with the hope that they would finally and completely take hold.

The life I live, I live to God

The question is one that is swelling in my mind… squeezing thoughts of self out of the way.  I want the question to take hold… I want the question to be the first question in the gift of a new morning… a new sunrise with my six pack… I want the question to be the last thought my conscious mind holds… trusting Him to take care of all of it ~ of all of us.

Have I served God well?

Am I serving God well?

Will I serve God well?

That we would all embrace this thought… do we serve God well?

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

 

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Filed Under: Faith, Friendship, Love, Military Tagged With: faith, friendship, love, military

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Meet Karin

Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.

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