September is blog month at Compassion International.
Compassion is opening my eyes… and my children’s eyes.
I never thought much about sponsorship… until I did. It changed everything… for two children… and then for six more, and this mom.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Don’t you sometimes feel like a broken record?
(Do kids even know what records are anymore?)
It seems like I spend most of my time saying the same thing over and over again.
be nice
stop fighting
yes, you can do this
yes, you do need help with this
no, you can not have that… do that… take that…
It’s exhausting and I wonder why they don’t just get it the first time (or the seventh). Why won’t they just listen? Learn from me? Do what I ask them to do? I, after all, have been here longer… I know more… I love them more than they know… I have their best interests at heart. I can see the mistakes they make… and I know where these mistakes will take them.
to sadness
to frustration
to confusion
to discontent
to trouble
If they would only listen the first time.
I read something. The thought of it wouldn’t leave my mind. Then I began to pay attention…
Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you.
Oswald Chambers
I began to pay attention… I found the people around me… six children! I have been like 6 children to God… sigh. Not one, or two, but six little children who are convinced that they know the way… bound and determined to do it their way. Oh, boy.
I have been this. To God.
I can do this by myself
I don’t want to do that
Why should I be nice? Do you know what that person did?
I need (read… want) this, that, and that other thing, too
I will stop fighting when I win… I am right, you know
Humiliating is right. I have behaved just like six young children.
I imagine my own words mirror His…
Why won’t they just listen? Learn from Me? Do what I ask them to do? I, after all, have been here longer… I know more… I love them more than they know… I have their best interests at heart. I can see the mistakes they make… and I know where these mistakes will take them.
Nothing will humble you more than seeing your own behavior embodied in a child, right in front of your eyes.
Then, a light… a child comes to me
I want to give Myrlande a gift
Is this a lot of money where she lives?
My daughter, only 9-years-old, thinks of her Compassion sister. My heart swells. The beauty, the joy… in the giving. Maybe, this is something she listened to the first time. Maybe, the opening of my eyes… have opened theirs a little bit more.
My baby, grabbing mama fingers, pulls herself up to take first steps. Peels of laughter, squeals coming from this blue-eyed doll. One. Step. At. A. Time. Pure joy in her accomplishment. This little one, knowing the strength comes from the hand that steadies her… as she ventures forward on her two feet. Something I can learn from this little one right in front of me.
taking the Hand of strength as I venture forward on my two feet
The awareness. Perhaps, the awareness of what you see in front of you, points back to your own ways. The awareness is the first step in peeling just a few more scales from these eyes… revealing nuggets of wisdom. Revealing… just one more reason to look around, just one more reason… to look Up.
John 13:14-15
Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
Dear God,
This suddenly makes You so much more real to me. Writing a letter, putting words on paper… I only do that with the people I love, the ones I can touch. Writing this letter makes me realize with a jolt… that You are so very real. I spend so much time thinking about You, speaking to You (mostly in my mind… though I am learning to speak out loud. Speaking out loud just makes You more real to me. I’m not one to talk out loud to no one, after all). I spend time talking with my kids, my husband, my friends, my parents… about You. I have written about You so many times. I wonder why I have never written to You? I read what You have written to me. I suppose You might enjoy a letter, too. Real words about real love.
The words come a bit more slowly this way. Funny how I am laboring to say just the right thing… hoping I will somehow impress You, make You love me more, see me for who I am. The words I write… I want them to show You how well I can put words together, but I suddenly gather that You care more about how well I can put Your words together. What have You told me in Your letters to me? So many lessons, so much Fatherly advice, direction, instruction. Love. That’s it. The message in all of Your letters. Love. You want me to love You, and You show me how… by loving me. You are doing a much better job than I am. Then there’s the other part… loving others… more than myself. You, better job, again. I really want to be more like You.
You have lovingly taken me along my path in life and picked me up when I failed ~ even when I didn’t know I was failing. You pointed me in the right direction, again, gave me a pat on my back… words of encouragement… and Your love. You gave me a most incredible husband, and are showing me how to get through the messy selfishness in marriage. You gave me six kids! That’s a lot of kids. I never dreamed…
You gave me a desire to love my six pack of kids so much that I would place You directly in their sights. This was all a bit foreign to me, but You nudged me along and whispered words of encouragement when I doubted. You have touched me.
One night, while I was up too late… You opened my eyes. You opened my eyes to small faces on a screen… after I had tucked my six small faces into their warm beds. You opened my eyes to the need behind the young eyes. A need I had pushed into the background of my mind ~ assuming someone out there would take care of them. Somebody out there had to notice. Suddenly I started to cry like I hadn’t cried in quite a while. I realized I was the someone out there who needed to notice…
Their names are Elie and Myrlande. They live in Haiti. My kids were so excited when we printed out their pictures from the Compassion sponsor page that they went running to Daddy, as he walked in the door at the end of the day. Two more kids! I couldn’t believe the joy we felt. It was surreal. Like we had just reached out across the waters… and touched them.
We pray for them every day. The greatest thing is… my little ones pray for them before I can even get the words out. We have prayed for them especially now after Hurricane Isaac swept across Haiti.
Letters. Writing letters. I write to people I love, the ones I can touch. How odd that I haven’t written to You before. You are touching every part of my life, of my husband’s life, my children’s lives… Elie and Myrlande’s lives. That’s it! It’s how You want me to touch their lives! You touch us as we touch each other… with love. A love greater than that for ourselves. The words are beginning to come more easily now…
You want us to love with more than words… more than speech. You want us to love with action… with truth.
Thank you, God, for letting me come to You. For blessing me. For blessing my husband and my children. Thank You for using us to bless.
We are blessed to be a blessing.
Thank you for Your words… thank you for loving us with your Word.
All my love,
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
We sit down for night-time prayers with our six pack.
We take turns. Add requests as we go. Everyone with an opportunity to throw his or her chips into the pot.
cashing in our chips
We go around and ask… each one…
what are you sorry for?
whom can we pray for?
what are you thankful for?
what do you need help with?
The thanks, the praise, the list of requests… roll easily off our tongues.
what are you sorry for?
That’s the tough one… we watch as the young ones squirm in discomfort. We old ones, squirm a bit, too.
um, everything I did wrong today.
Ok, that sums it up. Chips cashed in… sorry spoken… slate clean… good to go. Well, not quite. More like, squirming avoided.
what are you really sorry for?
Let’s get specific…
Specifically spelling out sin, the things we have done wrong… it is difficult, uncomfortable… we want to throw the chips in… without naming them. Maybe they’ll just disappear and we can move on, sort of forget about them… and pray that we are covered. We did say sorry, after all.
Name one thing…
We are all generally a mess… we sinners… we humans. The gift of forgiveness… in the specific places we need forgiveness… that’s where the humility and the healing live. Ah, humility, just as soon as her name is mentioned, she darts into the corner… hiding behind pride. We want to hide behind the generalities…
here are my chips…
can You just get rid of them?
replace them with Your grace and mercy?
No, I don’t really want to pinpoint them… some of them are pretty bad.
Specifically pointing out to God what we have done wrong… although He already knows it… this is a painful thing. The specifics are where we are honest with ourselves… before Him. Once we point out the details… the very places we are broken ~ or have broken others… once we point out these details, we find ourselves at a cross-road. We change… or we disobey. Obedience is a tough one for our human nature. The confession, the change, the obedience… they are not about shame. They are the road to healing. Healing for our sake, others’ sake, His sake.
You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you round the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never get your eyes on the obstacle or on the difficulty. The obstacle is a matter of indifference to the river which will flow steadily through you if you remember to keep right at the Source.
Oswald Chambers
The place we get right with God… this is the place we move the boulder from the river. Make a clear path for the living water to flow through us. The water will not be stopped by the boulder, it will find a way around, but the path clear of obstacles is the straightest… clearest path.
I don’t want to be an obstacle to His work… I want to teach my children how to open their road for Him. The way I know to get to the healing, the clearing of the way, the place of obedience… is by telling Him exactly where I see my mistakes, by asking Him to show me the ones I don’t see so clearly. Specifically.
Tell Him where you messed up… He knows already.
He’ll get you to the healing place…
If you allow Him into the hidden places.
He already knows. He is waiting to forgive… as soon as we name our chips. One. By. One.
Great relief.
Proverbs 28:13
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
So you are walking along with God. Things are going well… you are excited, inspired… you feel really close to Him… sense His presence.
You are on the mountain top. It seems as though nothing could change ~ like you’ll never stop feeling this way. You think you understand which way is up and which way is down. You understand ~ and it feels good.
It’s like this in relationships. Everything is moving along pretty smoothly… everything, or at least most things, seem to make sense.
Then. You slip. No longer on the mountain top… you are holding onto the edge of the cliff… with all your might… wondering
what happened?
I don’t understand.
I love this place on the mountain top. It’s an exhilarating place… a place you know you belong… and you never want to leave.
But, we do leave it. We slip… and fall… and sometimes tumble further down than we think we would go. We lose the fire, the thrill… we become complacent, or frustrated, or discouraged… and we wonder
why?
What do you do when your life… when your faith… when your walk… is in the fray? The fray ~ defined, it means a threadbare spot, as on fabric, or a noisy quarrel, fight or brawl. Any of these definitions could apply.
What do you do when your life… when your faith is in the threadbare spot… or in the midst of the quarrel… the middle of the brawl?
You want to rise above the fray… get back to the mountain top… how do you dig your fingers into the crag and pull yourself up to the top?
I’ve been thinking about this, in the midst of mama temper… the little irritations with wanting to get things done, but having to jump hurdles to get the finish line. I’ve muttered a few cuss words under my breath… and sadly, some over my breath.
I’ve been thinking about this, in the midst of relationships… that just aren’t going the way they should… the way I understand to be right… all the messy humanness getting in the way.
The longer I walk with Him, the more discomfort I feel… when I mess up… the big ones, pretty easy to figure out… but, even the little ones. The mess-ups don’t sit well. They don’t sit at all. They stand up… stare me in the face, and say…
nope, try again.
So, what do we do when we are stuck in the fray… and we want so badly to rise above… rise above the fray?
Keep walking in faith, even when we don’t understand why…
Understanding only this…
Faith, and life, above the fray… that is the place to stay.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Hi! My name is Karin Madden. Writer. Warrior wife. Mom of six pack. Homeschooler. German-blooded southerner. Welcome to the place where I explore what it means to grow stronger - spirit, soul, and body. I write to inspire and encourage - to remind you we are not alone. By being bold with grace and speaking truth in love, we can become who we are meant to be. I'm glad you are here.