It finally arrived.
Spring.
I found myself piled under clothes ranging from baby to big.
The boys, completely uninterested, roamed as mama went to work sorting, saving, discarding.
The girls, completely interested, protected prized possessions from mama’s rapid fire selection process. It takes more than just a little time to sort clothes for six.
Oh, mama, not that one.
I like that one.
A tear trickled down my sweet girl’s cheek.
Please don’t give that away.
I don’t want to let it go.
She held what looked like a Barbie-sized shirt to her chest and sighed heavily.
It’s too small for you.
We’ll save it for your little sisters.
I smiled, knowing that feeling of I-don’t-wanna-let-go.
You know, sweetie, sometimes we have to let go off something.
Many times we get something better in place of it.
My mind went to the bag of treasures from my sister-in-law. One of the gifts of a large family. Hand-me-downs.
Then, I heard my own voice…
My words must echo Yours.
Don’t you have those times when what you say to your children… is just exactly what God is saying to you?
I smiled to myself.
I get it. Yup, I heard you.
It’s hard to let go. Of things… of places… of people.
It’s hard.
I cling to the things… the things that remind me of babies new in my arms.
I cling to the things… the things that bring me back to a time gone by.
I cling to the things… the things that trigger a memory. Afraid that the memory will be lost if I don’t hang on tight.
I cling to places… wrapped in fear that if I loosen my grip, the place will fade away from my thoughts. Or worse… I will be the one forgotten in that place.
I cling to people. My children… husband… parents… family… friends.
Will it all fade away if I don’t hold on?
If I loosen my grip, even just a little, will I just end up empty-handed? Or worse… broken-hearted?
I pulled out a sweet surprise for my little one. A treasure just a little too small for her older sister.
This one is for you.
Do you like it?
She squealed with excitement.
Mama, I love that one!
Is it mine, now?
Oh, you were right! I let go of one of my favorites, and look!
I got another one! And I love it!
It’s not complicated, this letting go. It’s simple, really. Stretch one finger at a time. Open the hand. Palms up. Let go.
It’s not complicated. But, it’s not easy.
It’s not easy when it comes to the things that trigger memories.
It’s not easy when it comes to the places that feel so comfortable.
It’s not easy when it comes to people. Especially people.
It is so very hard to let go of people.
I lost my entire contact list on my phone last week. Not a tragedy. But, definitely a pain. Inconvenient… and startling. My dependence on this little device for contact with just about every one I know.
My oldest boy chuckled.
First world problems.
No doubt about that. The remedy was fairly simple. A few emails, postings, and contacts came rolling back in.
But what about the ones I missed?
Would I get those back?
Along with the contacts went the text messages. A series of strung together words between friends and family. I saved so many. Me. Having a hard time letting go.
There was one in particular. My dear friend. She passed on to peace in His arms a year ago. I saved her words. Every. Last. One.
Gone.
I felt the tightening of my throat… waited for the tears. The words came flooding back.
Sometimes you have to let go.
Sometimes letting go is the only way to receive something new.
This something new is a new realization. Heaven. That places that waits for someday. It exists right now. Now, I know that seems so simple. I just never thought about the Heaven that is now. It’s a place we talk about. The final destination somewhere in the future. The truth is… Heaven is very present. Today. She is there… today. I don’t need thin words and typed texts. I need the truth. The truth is freedom.
Letting go.
The contacts I lost? The numbers came rolling back in. The something new? Connections I didn’t have in the first place. People I had lost along the way.
The truth? The freedom in this truth?
None of this is mine. I hold tightly to everything that is temporary. The things and the places in this temporary season. The people, well, there is an eternal promise.
My dear friend gave me words to hold on to before she went.
It will always be ok.
And it will. I will not be easy. It will not be painless. But, it will always be ok.
We have to let go over and over again. Letting go… opens our hands to receive over and over again.
Let go. Give. And wait…
We can not out-give God.
In the end… the new beginning… it will always be ok.
1 John 2:24-25
See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. And this is what he promised us – even eternal life.
Beautiful post, Karin. I’m right there with you on struggling to let go, but I’m so grateful that He always makes things OK. And in some cases, way better than OK!
Thank you, Susan! You are so right. Sometimes things work out better that OK. It’s an exercise in trust over and over again. Great to see you here, friend.
Thank you for these words. This was a moment of inspiration as I struggle with control (or a lack of) in our world and in a very difficult place. So grateful for grace, wherever I find it! Thanks again for sharing, it meant more than you can ever know.
I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write here. Your words mean so very much to me. The letting go is so hard, isn’t it? Grateful for every bit of grace right along with you, friend. I’ll pray for wherever you are in your struggle. Thank YOU and God bless.