When You Hear The Nagging Voice

I did it again this morning.

I’m not much of a morning person. You would think after more than 12 years of early wake-ups, nightly wake-ups, all around the clock wake-ups… you’d think I’d be used to it. But, I’m not. I still love to sleep.

I keep hearing the whispers.

Get up. Meet with Me.

You see, I’m a night owl. The darkness intrudes, peace and quiet blankets the house, and I breathe. This is where I find the thoughts that linger and tuck themselves into crevices. This is where I hear His voice most clearly. In the peace.

But the whispers keep nagging. Is is wrong to use that word? Nagging. It brings negative connotations, but it’s only nagging if you refuse to listen the first time.

And, I have refused to listen more than once. You know, the old yes-I-hear-You-but-let-me-think-about-it response.

The prodding and prompting crept into my ears again this morning.

Come to Me. Meet with Me.

My usual reply,

I will. Later. You know the kids are all up. I have so much to do.

He doesn’t let up.

Come to Me.

So, I did.

I went to the closet tucked away in the corner. Across the bedroom, through the bathroom, behind the piles of unfinished laundry and messes. I snuck away from the screeching ruckus below. I slid into the secret place and closed the door.

It was here, where He met me.

I closed my eyes. Sometimes we just don’t even know where to start. He knows this, you know.

I began to rattle the pounding of my heart – the thoughts that grab and choke me sometimes,

Please, keep them all safe.

Please, let us grow old.

Please, protect our health.

Please, surround us with your protective hedge.

Please, let it all work out.

Please, let these dreams in my mind come true.

Please, beat back the fears.

Please.

I turned my hands, palms up to the heavens. How do we will ourselves to be broken? And willing? And accepting? And open?

How do we take our hearts in our hands and offer them to the unseen Holy?

And then, the whisper… again.

Shh.

I stopped my rattling laundry list. I murmured only one more line to the Presence that surrounded me,

I don’t want to hear myself anymore. I’m tired of my own voice.

Please… let me hear You.

And it’s here, in the silence, He answered,

I have only plans to prosper you.

My eyelids flickered,

Is that You?

We just aren’t sure sometimes. I needed more.

Is that You? Please give me something so I will know…

Again the whisper,

I have only plans to prosper you.

I needed the black and white. The words before my eyes.

Go to Jeremiah 29:11

I smiled in the dark recess of the hiding place,

Yes, I think that’s the one about calling to You and finding unsearchable things I do not know…

He must have laughed. That wasn’t at all what He was telling me.

Go to Jeremiah 29:11

I folded my hands as the sound of the wild rumpus below reached a crescendo. I walked into the light and picked up the pink leather gift my warrior and babies had given me years ago.

 

Opening the tissue pages to Jeremiah 29:11, He spoke again,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

You see, I had the address all wrong. I thought He was telling me something else entirely. Until I listened and went where He pointed. But, this wasn’t all He had to say. The real message was hidden behind the first step in obedience. The real words His voice urged me toward were the ones after this…

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

And this is where He waits. In the quiet hidden recesses. In the words behind the first steps toward Him. In the depth of the heart that seeks Him.

I thought I knew. The Holy hours of my choosing, the dark of night, the time when our home sleeps in peace. I thought these were the hours carved out for His Presence to speak. I thought I knew. But, I was wrong.

He calls us to Him at all hours. Through the light, the darkness, the messes, the chores, the ruckus, the peace, the worries, the fears, the busy to-dos of every moment. He calls to us, and He waits.

It’s when we hear the call, the whisper – when we answer with a bended knee, a bowed head, a willing heart – He lets us find Him.

It’s in this wondering if He’s there that He reminds us – He’s been waiting for us all along.

 

John 10:27

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.