Perseverance Archives - karin madden

October 21, 2014 by Karin 6 Comments

Why You Are Not A Rock Star

I can remember his baby face like it was yesterday. Only two years old.

He sat on my neighbor’s lap as she sighed,

His Daddy just passed away. A brain tumor.

I stared into his gentle face as he gazed up at the wind-blown trees. There was a serious look for such a young child. As if he knew his whole life had changed in this last breath of his father. And it had.

What I didn’t know is I would see his face again four years later.

He ran past me in the gym to join his team in basketball practice. My warrior was the coach. Our oldest son’s team.

I looked at the long six-year-old legs as they flew past me and noticed the glimmer in his eyes as he raced to the court. There was a lightness in his step.

That’s when I noticed her. She brushed past me with eyes focused on her boy. I watched her as I wondered,

How have you made it all on your own?

A few more years passed by until I found that tall boy grinning on the front step as he beckoned,

Can he come out to play?

My boy ran through the door and off they went. These friends like brothers. He came around almost every day. His eyes smiled as he told me,

My Mom had to go back to work full-time.

I smiled as I squeezed his shoulders,

We’d love to have you around here.

He spent his after-school days with my neighbor, but really he found his home-away-from-home in our home. And our hearts grew. This boy who became another one of our pack.

One afternoon he swung his shag hair from his eyes as he mused,

You don’t know my mom, do you?

I grinned into his sweet face,

No, not yet.

His eyes glimmered as he replied,

You should. You two would really like each other.

And he was right. What we didn’t know is she would become my soul sister. She, her daughter, and son would become family to us.

It didn’t take long. You know how it is when you meet your people. It just fits. No planning, or thinking, or long drawn out get-to-know-you. Family. Just like that. As though we’d been a part of the picture since the day their lives changed from four to three.

But we hadn’t. And I wondered,

How have you done this alone all these years?

And I’d like to say she’s a rock star because she looks like one. I’d like to say she’s a rock star because I don’t know if I’ve ever met kids quite like hers. I’d like to say she’s a rock star because she has mothered and fathered those kids for ten years – and has blown the single mom story out of the water.

And she would shake her head at all this and tell me she’s no rock star. Her eyes would fill as she tells me,

It’s been hard.

And ten years is a long time to do this parenting thing all on your own.

She has been my cheerleader during endless deployments and has asked me,

How do you do it?

All I can do is shake my head and whisper,

Because you do it.

But she’s no rock star. Because rock stars have an entourage. They have staff, assistants, planners, organizers, managers, and more go-to people than I can wrap my mind around. I like some rock stars. But my friend is no rock star.

Then, a few days ago, she sends me this message,

makes it all worth it… love this kid. xo

I scrolled down and wondered what made all these ten years of holding sick babies, cooking meal after meal, balancing tight budgets, carpooling, tears, stress, strain, loneliness, and every other day-in-day-out task of parenthood worth it – all alone.

Then this. A letter from her daughter. She was six-years-old when her mother held her next to her father and whispered,

Tell him goodbye.

I read the words from her daughter,

so we had to do a survey for this recommendation letter thing and one of the questions was like who’s the most influential person in your life in a positive way, and how has it made you different and I wanted to share my answer-

The person who has had the most impact on my life in a positive way is of course my mom. I wouldn’t be here without her…literally. But she has shown me what it means to be independent, hardworking, caring, and successful all at the same time. She has been a single parent since my brother and I were young and I can’t admire her more for it. She’s a rock star plain and simple. She has done everything for me in life and helped me grow into the young woman I am. She showed me how to care for myself and be independent. She taught me how to think for myself and taught me to always do my best no matter what, which I am sure everyone says, but it really stuck with me in my teenage years. She has never had to tell me to do my homework or schoolwork and it’s because of her example that I did everything on my own. She is always hard at work to make our lives better and it inspires me to do the same. She taught me that hard work pays off and not to take crap from anyone. She showed me that being caring and loving is just as important as being hardworking. She has made me who I am today and I can never thank her enough for it.

Being caring and loving is just as important as being hardworking. This from a sixteen-year-old girl. She made me who I am today…

This. This is what every mother wants to hear. And she did it by herself. This daughter of hers who is like a daughter to me just made every minute of these ten years worth it.

But she’s no rock star.

A rock star couldn’t hold a candle to her.

Proverbs 31:27-28

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed…

February 28, 2014 by Karin 7 Comments

When You Hear The Nagging Voice

I did it again this morning.

I’m not much of a morning person. You would think after more than 12 years of early wake-ups, nightly wake-ups, all around the clock wake-ups… you’d think I’d be used to it. But, I’m not. I still love to sleep.

I keep hearing the whispers.

Get up. Meet with Me.

You see, I’m a night owl. The darkness intrudes, peace and quiet blankets the house, and I breathe. This is where I find the thoughts that linger and tuck themselves into crevices. This is where I hear His voice most clearly. In the peace.

But the whispers keep nagging. Is is wrong to use that word? Nagging. It brings negative connotations, but it’s only nagging if you refuse to listen the first time.

And, I have refused to listen more than once. You know, the old yes-I-hear-You-but-let-me-think-about-it response.

The prodding and prompting crept into my ears again this morning.

Come to Me. Meet with Me.

My usual reply,

I will. Later. You know the kids are all up. I have so much to do.

He doesn’t let up.

Come to Me.

So, I did.

I went to the closet tucked away in the corner. Across the bedroom, through the bathroom, behind the piles of unfinished laundry and messes. I snuck away from the screeching ruckus below. I slid into the secret place and closed the door.

It was here, where He met me.

I closed my eyes. Sometimes we just don’t even know where to start. He knows this, you know.

I began to rattle the pounding of my heart – the thoughts that grab and choke me sometimes,

Please, keep them all safe.

Please, let us grow old.

Please, protect our health.

Please, surround us with your protective hedge.

Please, let it all work out.

Please, let these dreams in my mind come true.

Please, beat back the fears.

Please.

I turned my hands, palms up to the heavens. How do we will ourselves to be broken? And willing? And accepting? And open?

How do we take our hearts in our hands and offer them to the unseen Holy?

And then, the whisper… again.

Shh.

I stopped my rattling laundry list. I murmured only one more line to the Presence that surrounded me,

I don’t want to hear myself anymore. I’m tired of my own voice.

Please… let me hear You.

And it’s here, in the silence, He answered,

I have only plans to prosper you.

My eyelids flickered,

Is that You?

We just aren’t sure sometimes. I needed more.

Is that You? Please give me something so I will know…

Again the whisper,

I have only plans to prosper you.

I needed the black and white. The words before my eyes.

Go to Jeremiah 29:11

I smiled in the dark recess of the hiding place,

Yes, I think that’s the one about calling to You and finding unsearchable things I do not know…

He must have laughed. That wasn’t at all what He was telling me.

Go to Jeremiah 29:11

I folded my hands as the sound of the wild rumpus below reached a crescendo. I walked into the light and picked up the pink leather gift my warrior and babies had given me years ago.

Opening the tissue pages to Jeremiah 29:11, He spoke again,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

You see, I had the address all wrong. I thought He was telling me something else entirely. Until I listened and went where He pointed. But, this wasn’t all He had to say. The real message was hidden behind the first step in obedience. The real words His voice urged me toward were the ones after this…

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

And this is where He waits. In the quiet hidden recesses. In the words behind the first steps toward Him. In the depth of the heart that seeks Him.

I thought I knew. The Holy hours of my choosing, the dark of night, the time when our home sleeps in peace. I thought these were the hours carved out for His Presence to speak. I thought I knew. But, I was wrong.

He calls us to Him at all hours. Through the light, the darkness, the messes, the chores, the ruckus, the peace, the worries, the fears, the busy to-dos of every moment. He calls to us, and He waits.

It’s when we hear the call, the whisper – when we answer with a bended knee, a bowed head, a willing heart – He lets us find Him.

It’s in this wondering if He’s there that He reminds us – He’s been waiting for us all along.

John 10:27

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

February 13, 2014 by Karin 8 Comments

When We Can’t See Through The Fog

I always look out that window.

It faces the mountains to the west. The snow-covered ones off in the distance. It’s a relief to see snow in a dry desert place.

I needed to see those mountains this morning. I lifted my eyes to the mountains. It’s madness in a house sometimes. A beautiful, wild rumpus. And sometimes I go to that window to breathe. Where does my help come from?

Blinds open. And – cloud cover. No mountains in sight.

Where does my help come from now? When I can’t see the mountains.

What do we do when we are under the cover of clouds and we so badly need to lift our eyes up to the majesty of a mountain top?

The fog rolls across the cookie cutter Spanish tile roofs like a swell of ocean washing the carefully constructed castles of our own making. Nothing to see here today. Just fog.

I want to give you a carefully crafted and profound answer. I want to tell you that the secret is in the fog. I want to show you 5 easy steps to your way out of the hazy unknown. To tell you that the mountain top is still there – you just can’t see it.

But, I don’t have the easy answer. I can’t see through the fog either. The chilly haze obscures everything – for all of us – at some point.

I do know the mountain is still there. I know the spectacular cliffs are just beyond the low-lying clouds. I know this. Because I have seen them. The vision of the rugged earth rising to 11,916 feet in altitude is burned in my mind.

I know the mountains are there because I have seen them again and again. Just not today.

I remember what my little blue-eyed baby boy said as he nestled his sleepy head into the soft cloud of his pillow,

Mama, it’s hard to believe when I can’t see Him.

I smiled in the darkness, lit only by the faint blue of an F-16 night-light,

It is, baby. It is hard to believe in the dark.

We have to remember in the dark what we know to be true in the light.

Yea, it’s hard to believe what we can’t see. But what if we have seen? We just forgot a little bit. What if the only way we remember is by closing our eyes. We can see what we know is there in our mind’s eye. In the eye of our hearts.

And, that is the answer, I think. To all of the questions. The secret isn’t in the fog – it’s behind the fog. Time and wind and sun will move the haze along its way once again to reveal what is really there. What has really always been there. Who has always been there. Whether we have seen Him… or not.

We have to remember in the dark what we know to be true in the light.

And the Son slowly burns off the fog until we can lift our eyes to the mountains again.

To the Maker of heaven and earth.

Ephesians 1:18-19

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

October 9, 2013 by Karin 2 Comments

We All Need It

31 Days of Good Deeds

(click here for the series)

~ Day 8 ~

Remember the first date?

Ours was on a Harley to a crab shack situated next to a glistening river. It was a beautiful day in May.

It was the kind of date I knew would settle into my memory forever.

A few weeks later, we were engaged. A few more months and one deployment went by, and we were married. Still another few months, another deployment, and we celebrated with an official wedding.

I roll those memories around in my mind on the days that my elbows are lost in dishes, laundry, dirty diapers, and school work.

I smile at this lively six pack of ours and remember the travels we enjoyed… way back then.

These days of babies… growing to big kids… growing to pre-teens are a wild and blurry race. These days are the ones that really grow us. These days are the ones when love learns the grit of perseverance. When love learns the true meaning of patience. When love shows what it’s really made of. When God shows us… what we are really made of.

And, sometimes, we are given rest.

The rare and sacred time away to remember what that first date was really all about.

And, sometimes, someone older and wiser… someone who has been there, lived it, and loved it… appears. Someone who sees the strain, the drain, and the need for release. This someone comes along, passes the baton of hope and encouragement, shares the joy of the moment ~ for just a moment, and let’s you know you are right where you supposed to be.

This story from my friend Laura is about the parents… the couples… who have been through it. They remember these days, wish us well, offer a gift, and push us to keep going…

We were at Bunhuggers (a burger restaurant in Flagstaff) and began talking with another couple behind us in line. They were a bit older than us, but were coincidentally on their once a year weekend getaway, just like us. We talked about our kids and our love for the busy stage of life that we are in. After orders were placed we each sat down at different tables. At Bunhuggers, you pay when the food is called out and picked up. We didn’t hear our number called, so my husband went up to ask about it. He was told that that nice couple we chatted with in line paid for our order. We went together to ask if there was some confusion. When they simultaneously began to smile, we realized that it was on purpose. We thanked them and were humbled by their kindness. They said that their kids were older and they knew how much they would have loved if someone had picked up their tab in our stage. They said, “just pay it forward sometime to someone who doesn’t look at all like they need it. Have a good night.” It was a heartwarming high note to end our trip on.

Remembering the days gone by with couples who have been there… gives us hope… and rest.

Just pay it forward to someone who doesn’t look at all like they need it… because we all need it.

1 Timothy 6:17-19

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Why You Are Not A Rock Star

When You Hear The Nagging Voice

When We Can’t See Through The Fog

We All Need It

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