Four plus decades. That’s what I am today.
On this birthday I will pack up a crew of six and prepare for the cross-country journey – back to the place this life’s story began.
The same house, the same streets, the same small red church that marks the turn.
We’ll load up our six pack, and my warrior and I will travel to the place it all started.
This time I am taking two small items I plan to use to capture memories in motion. A video and a voice recorder.
My parents, they have a million stories – about war-torn youth, Nazi evil, and the ravages of cruel governments. They have stories about siblings, and families, and grandparents. They have stories about all the people I never knew… or have only met a handful of times. These stories are the roots of us. I suppose at some point in time we all want to see our roots…
I listened to them when I was just a kid, but who really pays attention then?
And, now, I hope the memories return to a fading mind.
I want to capture every word. Wrap the words in writing and pass them on to my own little ones.
We really shouldn’t ever forget where we come from. No matter how pretty, or heart-wrenching, the picture.
It’s our stories that bring Him glory – in the end. Our stories are His story – from the very beginning. Even when we don’t see.
Their story will come… I will take the gray shades of life and etch them into black and white. The words will never cover a life, but they will leave a map.
A map for my own to follow – tracing back… in order to move forward. Never forgetting.
But, today… well, it’s my day. It’s my birthday.
And sometimes the details don’t really matter all that much. Sometimes there is just one thing you want to leave behind.
Sometimes it only takes a few words to cover a lifetime of things we wish we could do… or undo.
Sometimes it’s just one word that we want to burn into their hearts.
Sometimes the words we write… are the words we need to read.
This… this is what I want to leave with my children.
A Letter To My Children
I want to tell you it’s ok.
It’s ok if you forget. It’s ok if you don’t understand. It’s ok that you said what you said that time.
I want to tell you that I know.
I know how much you love me.
I know how frustrated you were sometimes, and that you wondered if anyone- especially mom -understood.
I know that you didn’t mean what you said that time. Or the other time, either.
I want you to see that I have felt the same way.
I have thought the same thoughts.
I have made the same mistakes.
I have wished my youth away… and then wished I could go back.
I wish I could go back.
I wish I could go back and listen to my parents all over again.
I wish I had paid better attention.
I wish I had asked more questions… and listened to the answers.
I remember some of the stories and wish I could listen to them again.
I remember the places we went.
I remember the meals Mom cooked.
I wish I could remember more.
I wish I knew where those places were.
I wish I knew the recipe for that one meal… and the other ones, too.
I wish I could sit in Mom’s lap, and listen to Dad’s stories.
I know what you are thinking.
You wish you could go back, too.
Stop.
Here is what I want you to remember.
This is what I want you to know.
I love you no matter what has happened.
I love you no matter what words and deeds you have thrown out there.
I love you even if you don’t come home enough.
I love you even when you are too busy.
This. This is what matters.
Believe.
No matter what people say to you.
No matter what they say about you.
No matter if they call you delusional, or gullible, or foolish, or wrong.
They will, you know.
They will make you doubt.
They will make you wonder.
They will tell you that God is a fake.
They are wrong.
Know this.
I have heard His voice.
He hears mine every time I place your names in His hand.
He hears you.
Believe.
Stick with the ones who believe with you.
You need each other.
Be kind to everyone.
Even when they are not kind to you.
You represent Him.
It’s a big job. He is a big God.
He can handle your doubt.
Your anger.
Your fear.
Your questions.
Your mistakes. Even the ones you make again and again.
He has you in the palm of His hand.
Believe.
I do.
So, when you begin to regret, and wish, and want to go back.
Stop.
Go Forward.
Time here is brief.
Make the most of it.
We, my babies, have forever.
Love ~ to infinity and back,
Mom
John 14:1-3
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
Dear Karin
Once again you have “hit” the heart of what oh so many of us have felt and thought. Thank you for your writings!
Thank you, Kathy! Your words mean so much to me.
Beautiful I say, with tears in my eyes! Happy Birthday Dear Karin, you certainly lack no wisdom in these first forty!
Thank you, thank you Jeanne! You are a gift. I am so grateful to know you. <3
Finally catching up from my frenzied weeks. LOVE this, Karin. What a powerful word to speak over our kids! VA hugs to you, my friend 🙂
Thanks, Susan! I hope your beach time was wonderful. I actually had my kids read this with me – it was pretty overwhelming. I asked if they “got it” and they did understand. Warm a mama’s heart. My little boy looked at me wide-eyed and asked, “Who wrote this?” I told him that I wrote it for him and he said, “Wow, thanks mama.” They “get” more than we think they do. Hugs to you, my friend. xx
Agreeing with Kathy…you have done it again! So beautiful Karin. Wow! Yes, there is one word I want to speak to my boys and that is BELIEVE. I pray every day for them to believe.
Happy birthday! Safe travels to you and your beautiful family. LOVE that photo.
Thank you, dear Beth. It’s the one word we want to drive home, isn’t it? Hugs, dear friend! Thanks for the birthday and safe travel wishes!
Absolutely beautiful and so full of wisdom. Dave and I both thank you so much for sharing something so heartfelt and real…you said what so many of us fail to put into words.
Thank you, Patti. I can’t tell you how much that means coming from you and Dave. I think you are both just the greatest.
Beautifully written and oh, so true! Enjoy your journey back home and Happy Birthday!!
Thank you, Tammy! We are so very excited to come back home!
You nailed it momma! Thank you for being the GREATEST! Happy birthday my love.
YOU are my hero. I love you.
What a beautiful letter- so glad Beth sent me your way. I’m a few years behind you- just entering those years where the child’s words come out of nowhere and they are struggling on the inside and I am struggling with what to say and do. Your letter was a tremendous help to me with that today. Thank you.
Thanks, Lauren. I’m happy you stopped here. Beth is awesome, isn’t she? I stopped by your blog. Love it! Your family is beautiful. Mama of 4? You ARE just a few years behind me :). I am grateful that my letter was helpful to you. There are so many things I want my kids to *get*, but this is really the one. Blessings to you and your family.
Your post was so good I had to share it on my fb wall. I keep in touch with many of the young ones who were in our youth group and those we were dorm parents to in Bolivia, South America and the words you wrote are important to read for any age. Since I am a grand mother I want to always keep an open door for our grandchildren, to challenge them to believe. Beautifully written and from a wise heart. Blessings.
Karin, I left my comment and went on to read about six of your post. Decided to return to comment how glad I am to have stumbled on your site. Honest girl, God has surely gifted you to communicate His story in your life and others. Each story you share carries the love of Christ working through such ordinary people in all to common circumstances. I thought, this woman is busy, busy, busy with her children yet God pulls her aside to drop nuggets of wisdom in her heart. Thanks you for listening my courageous wise hearted sister. I will be back to mine some more gold.
Betty, I can’t thank you enough for your kind words. You have really just made my day. I am so very grateful for the pieces of wisdom God gives me through the common circumstances. He is very patient with me – it takes more than a few times for some of the lessons to sink in. Truly, I can’t tell you how thankful I am that you have stopped here to share your encouraging words with me. I love to learn from those who have mothered and grand-mothered before me. Thank you for sharing my post on your FB page. I pray that it blesses others who read it. It was something that I wanted so badly to put into words for my kids. Bless you!
I thought of you today so simply stopping in to say hello! Hope you are doing well. Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.
Much love and hugs,
Beth
I love to see you here, beautiful Beth! I’ve been thinking about you and hope you are doing well this season. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Praying for a safe and quick return home for your hubby. Love and hugs to you, friend.